Paper doll
by J-crusader
Summary: Shizuru is caught between her duty to serve her master and the bonds of love and adoration. Can her sole wish of escaping this bondage finally come through? Yet, within the storm of emotions, what is Natsuki's tale as the master? Third arc, ShizNat-AU.
1. Katashiro 1

**A/N**: I hope that 'Paper doll' does not disappoint you in the wait for any of my stories. I will try my best to pick up my stories once again, I've been distracted lately with what had been happening. Then again, I will not hinder,

Cheers!

* * *

'Kuga-sama?'

I stood rigidly at the door way, the cedar door parted slightly only allow part of my face to be seen, the rest kept hidden away behind the smooth dry oiled paper of the shoji. I knew only my face would be seen, the rest locked away as a silhouette, a shadow to masque my length. Even though how I was made to wear exotic and unique kimonos, I would never be able to show their shine to my master; kept hidden behind this shadow. I felt weary every time I wore them, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I screamed that one day I will be rid of this. Someday when I'm no longer bound, someday when my master is no longer around…Someday when my master says…

Hearken! What have I thought? I cannot think of such a thing. I cannot!

My master…

My master can be as cold as the arctic ice and as stoic as a robotic. However, yet I seem that my master can be something more than that demeanour that is carried. I can tell at times though my eyes aren't made to be real, but I can see. My senses are proven to much more worthy than I had first expected. My skin prickles at the mere change of moods as my master certainly proves before me. My master's aura can be diminishing at times, yet it can grow and overpower the chaos of the Great Susanoo. Calm as the sea before a storm and a tsunami within a flash of a lighting. It sends an utter feeling of displeasure and discontent crawling over my body, that I tremble in fear and convulse in trepidation; hoping that nothing can be seen, the flickering underneath the kimono. Nevertheless, I cannot complain when that happens to me, my master is my master. I am bound to my master.

I cannot neglect the connection.

My nose can pick up the dryness of the autumn, the scent of withering; that is my master scent. A breath of something dead and dull…lifeless to the extent that it kills the inch of every living pigment of creation. It is as if the world had stopped and time had come to an end. That is just metaphor…to show how strong my master's unusual scent can bring to the household. The wooden corridors are lined with emptiness, the rooms filled with remorse and the courtyard littered with weary. The household of my master seems to bring only the gloom throughout the years that I have served faithfully. It seems that it will never change; it seemed dead. Then again, this scent of my master is something I have finally grown accustomed to…I cannot complain how much it intoxicates me, like death was at my fingertips. I cannot complain about it.

I cannot complain about my master.

My eyes see less than I thought I would; my master shrouds and stows away in darkness. The light of the oil lamp nearby is all that my master puts up for. Other than that, I can see no more, no less. However, as I would say after years by my master side, my sight has grown to learn to seek out in the darkness, to brighten in the midst of uneasiness…to see my master in the light that my master sits in. My master…

'Shizuru.'

I was already going to move away from the slightly parted doors, but my ears caught onto my master's voice. Deep, grave and husky, that it sometime lulls me into a lullaby sleep. I stood in front of the parting and I looked into the dark room, the far corner of the solitude lit with the orangey golden hue of the oil lamp. I could see the mere outline of my master's body; the broad of the shoulders and the creases of the half worn yukata. I pursed my lips at the figure that flickered, and I adjusted my kimono behind the shoji. The distinct wave of the autumn crackle fell upon me and I knew my master had a steady hold on me. Even behind the shoji, my silhouette could just be easily be dispelled and be stripped. Under my master's haze, I knew I could not outrun. However as usual, my master decided on the same, as smoothly as the day…like today, like everyday. My master…

My master voice seeped into my ears from behind the shoji,

'I'm sorry. Were you already preparing for sleep?' the light flickered on the oil lamp, her figure moved along, 'I should have known not to call you at such a late hour.'

I brought my hands forward, in front to rest idly on my thighs; I stood outside on the veranda. My kimono sleeves dropped to cover my hands, my pale fingers peeking over. The kanzashi nestled into my loose tail of hair felt ready to fall, and I lowered my head slightly, the rest of my hair rushed over my neck and shoulders. I parted my lips,

'I had no intention to sleep just yet Kuga-sama.' I paused, but the uncertainty whether to continue was long disposed off that I did not hesitate a second longer,

'Are you alright Kuga-sama?'

The spring breeze came along the veranda and it brushed across my back, it ruffled my hair and chilled my cheeks. It swept into my master's room and my eyes once again caught onto the flicker of the light of the oil lamp. The shadow of mine that was casted before me was made of the dim moonlight, it hardly moved; my master's framed by the oil lamp light flickered madly…but then it stilled after the breeze ended. I waited patiently for a reply. My master…

'There is nothing.'

The radiance of my master's aura died down, the pulse that had pulled me to the room was no longer pulsating with life that the great Ookami carried. I silenced myself to ask further. The mood dies along with the aura, the haze dissipates and my skin no longer tingles in displeasure. No longer did I feel the strange feeling of being sucked into a black hole. Once again, my kimono is left to die, I for have long known when it has lost it shine. I looked up into darkness from the parting of the shoji and the light remained still, my master's outline, the creases of the half worn yukata could no longer be seen. The bodily structure of my master moved slowly in the darkness that I have grown use to, there is movement, but somehow the light from the oil lamp did not flicker. My master…

'You may leave Shizuru.'

My lips remain sealed as I watched my master move further into the darkness, the light there is engulfed by the pitch darkness of my master's solemnity; I could see no more of the figure I always faced in the day and night. I heard my master's breath and the light of the oil lamp extinguish in a fan, taken down like a radish cut in two; clean and swift. I felt my chest constrict and I pulled away from the shoji, my hands brushing slightly on the cedar frame; I cannot take this darkness any longer. My lips finally part, the dryness of the autumn seemed to have become heavy and I breathed out softly,

'Goodnight Kuga-sama.'

I took a small bow and I pulled up to tug the shoji door close. The smooth soft click of closure reeled my hands away; my eyes lingered on my intricate pattern of my heavy kimono. It was the colour of midnight blue; the presence of Tsukiyomi embraced my chest and my legs, and the petals and buds of the winter chrysanthemum flower my long sleeves. My skin felt dry and I wavered. My eyes dragged up the cedar frame and I kissed the dry oil paper of the shoji.

My master…

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**A/N**: This story's original title is 'Katashiro' which literally means Paper doll that is used in Shinto sacred rituals. I hope that you have enjoyed the first short chapter of this story. Till next time, you'll slowly get to see what is exactly is the relationship and the strong bond between the two.

Then again,

Cheers!


	2. Katashiro 2

**A/N:** To clear a review, this story is set in olden Japan. Furthermore, just to inform all that when I said that one will get to slowly see the relationship, I mean really slow. So hold your fast horses! A Clear note of Warning: The start of Paper doll will be confusing, but it will ease up soon.

Then again, till the end. Cheers!

* * *

'Breakfast, Kuga-sama.'

My master looked at me as if I had intruded into the capsule of solitude, but I knew I had to, or else my master would not eat. The sunlight of another spring day filtered into the room; however, the rays are smothered by my master's presence. My kimono is replaced by something much simpler, the yukata my master provides for me are colours of purple. My master says it brings out my presence, something which I needed to show; my elegance and my grace that I preferred to be kept concealed within the kimonos I wear at night. I cannot complain…I am bound to my master; I complain, I would be complaining about my master.

I cannot ignore the way I am bound to my master.

I tuck my legs neatly behind me as I settled myself onto my heels; the breakfast that I have cooked placed on a black lacquered tray, squared in front on the fine bamboo matting. I kept my eyes onto my master, the sight before was no longer obscene, no longer unusual, no longer disturbing…it was just simply my master. The master that I was bound to, the master that brought me to life. The air was filled with my master's heavy scent of the foliating autumn, and soon sniffed along was the fragrance of the miso stock. My master pulled over from the floor and moved slowly to sit crossed legged beside me, I pushed the tray in front of her.

'Could you help me?'

My master's voice eased tiredly to me and I nodded. I moved to turn to face the broad of my master's shoulders and I graced my fingers down the wet, stained white yukata. My fingers danced lightly as my master gently loosen the front of her yukata and I watched it move unearthly from the shoulders I faced every morning. The paleness of my fingers could not match the colour of what I saw on my master's yukata; it was not the pale colour I would see before every night, it always turned into something else. It would always be wet; I didn't know why it would not dry. My fingers daintily peeled my master's yukata from the collar and I would see no cuts, no injuries, no holes and no open vessels. My eyes would only see the clean unstained bandaged pale back of my master's and in my hands the top of the yukata drench in fresh blood. It would always be wet. My fingers would always stain and the bed spread soil crimson red.

Where was this blood coming from?

Yet my master is still healthy.

'Thank you, Shizuru.'

I looked up from the drenched red cloth within my hands and my master turned to take it away, letting it pool around her waist. I have seen days of this, bright red blood that would never dry; a wound that my master bears unnoticed. A wound that leaves nothing on the pale body I see; not a single cut, not a single drop of the revolting bright red blood. Nothing my master…My ears picked up the clatter of chopsticks and I quickly move back to sit at my master's side, there I would lay my eyes onto the smooth well toned body of my master, topped bandaged to keep her breast from exposure. Her arms squared with an ancient language that glowed black only in the day and her abdomen tensed. Yet I would not set sight on a single drop of blood, not even on the white bandage she had tied firm around her chest…nothing seemed to be unfamiliar to her. My master…

I have seen this from day to day, morning to morning. My master is unfazed from this happening; I have finally accepted the gruesome of this bound. I have to be unfazed, I cannot complain. We faced the courtyard, spring had brought the cherry trees into the pink that had yet to bloom and the green that was well luscious, but then, there was always the weariness I described. I soon heard my master's deep voice once again,

'Did you make a new batch?'

I was gestured to the white miso that I had prepared on my master's tray and I nodded. A small noise came from her throat and I watched my master reach over to the dried fish that I had sunned a few days before. My master…

* * *

'Shizuru.'

I stepped away from the bamboo poles in the courtyard and I drop the white sheets into the basket. My master motioned me to come over to her, her top is still half-bared, her stained yukata still pooled around her waist. I could already make out the stain the wet blood had made on her brown hakama; it would stay fresh until she took it off to give it to me to wash. Then will it dry in contact with water and flake off like paper, like small bits of red ashes swirling in the basin I did the laundry in. I quickly made my way to the veranda she stood upon and I looked up at her from the ground. My master's hair is let loose, the long dark ocean blue hair rounding her face and sliding down her back, like the Sumida River that runs through the land that we live on. My master's eyes have lost its gleam, giving into the hue of the dark viridian of the Forest Mountains. Within her hands, one held a new set of bandages, while the other a set of new clothes, her working clothes.

'I would need your help, Shizuru.'

I took a bow as my master proceeded to walk down the veranda to the room that she spends her days in. I slipped off my sandal and moved behind her, my master has grown as I have, her height seemingly the same as mine now. However, I noticed how much broader her shoulders have became and how lean and toned her arms and body have grown. I would never change much; I was made the way I was. As we walked further into the house to my master's worksite, the atmosphere became heavy with the autumn dryness, and the crackle of the dying leaves. My skin tingled in displeasure once again, and I felt my yukata loosen around my waist.

Upon entering her room, my master swiftly undid her bandages and motioned me to help her remove the old ones. My fingers grasped lightly on ends that she handed over to me and I would see her shoulders relaxed and her hair part to allow access to me hands. Then would the same action happen as I finished with the unwrapping. Her cold fingers would reach to hold my pale fingers and lead them over to centre of her back, then would her deep voice resonate with the confines of her room. My skin would tremble in fear, years would I have thought what my master would do to me. Her mood changes, her demeanour changes. I knew she was more than to the cold and stoic person my master would present herself as to customers. Within the seclusion of my presence, my skin would prickle, I was sure she knew too.

'Hold this there,' she would pass me the new roll of bandages, 'Hold it firm.'

As her hands moved around to dress her chest up again in bandages, I would be suddenly breathing in the soothing aura that she had changed into. The air becoming even thicker with the dryness of the autumn. I felt compelled to move forward and lean into the board of her shoulders, but the feel of the wetness of the drench yukata ill me not to. I cannot do such things to my master; there are boundaries we both cannot break. Even how much I want to be free of this spell, this bound to my master. My fingers sensed the tension and I pulled my hand back slowly from my position on her back, the new bandages securely around her top. Sitting on my heels, I looked down at my master's back, clean from any cuts… My master…

'I will bring you my dirty clothes.'

I brought myself up as my master proceeded to loosen the hold of her obi, followed by the untying of her hakama pants. I bowed as I left the room and I walked back to the courtyard, the heavy scent of the withering autumn leaves trailing behind me, like a ghost of my past.

I have no past.

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**A/N:** One's thinking, what is Shizuru actually? Well, it'll come to that soon. Just a dialogue from the next chapter, just to ease some suspense:

'When would you be leaving Kuga-sama?'

The next chapter is a short one, since I'm literally writing this whole story on paper first then typing it out. However the next will give a peek into their relation and ease some confusion.

Then again,

Cheers!


	3. Katashiro 3

**A/N**: I hope that this short chapter will be able to bring a door to lead all away from confusion. I know that this is a short one; I apologize, my writing hands hurts from the constant writing. So I hope that everyone enjoys!

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'I am going down to the market today.'

I looked up from clearing the tray in front of her, my master's eyes stared down at me. I eased myself back onto sitting back on my heels, pulling the lacquered tray along. The distinct scent of autumn died, replaced with the freshness of the spring season that warmed my own room. My master's deep voice continuing from where she left off before,

'I am in need of paper.'

'When would you be leaving Kuga-sama?'

I looked at her from the side and my master closed her eyes briefly,

'Once you are done,' she heaved a breath and issued lowly as her aura died down even further, the gloom of hers seem to dissipate,

'I will be waiting for you at the front door.'

I gave into a bow and stood up; walking quickly out of my master's room, her lunch happily finished, only left untouched was the white miso that I had made a few days ago. The hatcho miso that my master enjoyed was already long finished, I have to wait another few weeks to ferment what my master savours. I cannot abandon what my master likes and dislikes, I cannot complain. My master…

I pulled on one of my normal kimonos and headed for the front door once I had cleaned up in the kitchen and eaten my own lunch. My master was already long standing beyond the wooden doors of the Kuga household. Within my master's grasp were an umbrella and my small pouch that she kept safely for me. My master donned over her plain blue yukata was her household crest jacket while she had changed out of her black working hakama into something of a lighter shade. My master had long hailed for a rickshaw and my master held my form as I locked up the front door and moved over to where she stood. My master looked so much like a man, with her hair tied neatly into a tail that dipped low from the base of her neck and her chest bound flat with those bandages. At my master's waist was the small tanto that she carried for my protection whenever we went out. I was graced with a smile by the rickshaw puller, and he moved aside to allow me to step up into the back of the rickshaw. Soon after I was joined on the cushioned seat with my master.

Silence engulfed us as we headed down the street to the market place. My master went out of the house only when she was at the lack paper, other than that; she was only here to accompany me when I went out to do my round of getting the necessities. My master never said it aloud, but her lack of her strong powerful autumn chill meant that my presence was more important when I went out. I am important to her as she is to me. The bound between us cannot be avoided, she is my master, and I am hers. Only.

The market street was not as crowded as on the day of the sun and of the gold, nonetheless there was still the crowd. My master paid for the ride as I moved over to the paper stall that was not too far away. I had been there a few times, but never inside, was I never allowed inside. However, the wait for my master to get the paper she wanted did not take long. My master would come out sooner than expected with a brown rectangular box wrapped in a white thin wrap and my master would motion us to leave. As the usual happened, my master appeared beside me with the same rectangular box within the grasp of the wide of her hand; she looked me in the eyes and gestured me to follow her down into the market street,

'Do you need to get anything?'

Her mood seemed to have changed despite me noticing it; her aura had died down and my skin could not feel the displeasure I was use to. We stopped in the midst of the flow of people and I looked at my master that looked over at the stalls that was lined along in rows and rows after each long stretch. My ears picked up the yells of beans and soya and I moved over to touch my master lightly on the arm,

'Kuga-sama…'

* * *

**A/N:** Have you found that door? Well, maybe it isn't that clear now. However, I promise, it will be clearer the next chapter. Just another dialogue from the next chapter,

'Have you not seen the fury of a Kuga?'

Then again,

Cheers!


	4. Katashiro 4

**A/N:** I forgot to tell everyone that the next update will be fast, but here it is. There will be a hints along in this chapter of what Shizuru is. So I hope you can get it, I apologise if there is any confusion caused while reading. **anamesis**: I hope your storyline guess will come true. **eclairz**: I hope the 'angst' radiation will be at an ease for you in this chapter. Then again, till the end.

* * *

'You have a customer, Kuga-sama.'

My master looked up to look at me from the doorway of her room. She was sitting at her low work table, piles of different coloured paper all around her. Her hair was pulled back from her face and her white working yukata and black hakama was thrown on. The wooden paper cutter was in her mouth and a brush within her right hand. The colour palette was near to her feet, and the atmosphere in the room was heavy and nauseating. The spring scent was wiped clean and in was the dryness of death. My fingers pulled away from the cedar door frame and I bowed away. She needed not to say anything…

I returned to the front door of the household and gestured to the man that stood tall and erect. His hair cropped neatly into a neat cut and his clothes ironed and pressed straight. He wore no crest on his kimono and carried no sword at his belt, but deep within I felt suspicious. The fine shade of brown was carried within his eyes and his hair, his face long and angular, his nose round and eyes thin. He looked like a fox; that from time to time wondered through the back of the household fence and into the kitchen block. I sensed a peculiar feeling, an emission of something nasty and foul but don't all the customers of my master have it this way. The aura of the deep Izanami and the chaos of the mighty Fuujin; along with the chill of the intense winter…I see nothing but emptiness in those that seek out my master.

My master…

He sat down at the table as rigidly as I would when I serve my master at night. I served him hot tea and I waited beside the shoji door that faced the open courtyard, the air of silence dominated the room and I looked over at the empty space that my master is to come to sit. The man did not move, did not fidget, did not move his stare from the front and did not react as the spring breeze swept through the open doors of the wide room. The tatami matting beneath my feet went cold and I took an impassive glance at the man's face, he seemed so much like a fox…just that his nose just did not fit into his features. He was lanky at the sight of just sitting there, his arms thin and his veins popping from muscle to muscle on his hands. My nose then picked up the heavy scent of the coming rain and soon followed by the thickness of the autumn's presence.

'Shizuru, water.'

I looked up expectedly to find my master seating herself down across the table, her movement swift and agile that I barely seem to have caught her walk behind me to enter. She had changed out of her work clothes once again, into something simple and neat. Her yukata in exchanged with a simple cotton shirt that I had sewn and a pair of long bagged pants that my master had used for cleaning her work table, I could see the ink splotches here and there. Was she in need of new clothes? My master…

I came back in with a cup of warm water and I gracefully settled myself next to her, placing the cup on the table in front of her. I shuffled myself to sit slightly to her right, within her reach and her protection. Her aura had increased and the displeasure coursing throughout my skin was making me tingle and tremble slightly. The smell of the dry autumn had wrapped the room and the winter chill of the man seemed to be engulfed along with it, his presence was a mere flicker that I could not sense that well. This was how powerful my master could be. There was a moment of silence, it then broke apart when a fine pitched and endearing voice came from the man before us; he spoke aloud to the walls of the room,

'I seek to own a paper doll.'

The brown eyes of the man hardened at me and then refocused onto my master whose aura had darkened in just seconds. I faltered and wavered but in an instant, my master placed a hand on my lap and I moved my own pale hands to hold them gently, I could feel a pulse running through me and a cold yet soothing sensation ran through me, it was as if something was being passed into me. Suddenly, I felt guarded and secure. The tingling feeling on my skin disappeared for a second or two before it returned to me in a form much less disturbing. My master took her hand away and with her deep voice, she asked,

'You are not a priest, neither you a messenger from any shrine,' the room became a little bit colder than usual, 'what is your reason for paper?'

'I did not come here just for paper; I seek to own a paper doll.'

My master closed her eyes briefly and the crackle of the cherry leaves rushed in with the breeze outside,

'What is your reason?'

I adjusted slightly on my seat and I watched my master reach to take a sip of water, the man across the table looked impassively at her and suddenly his stare fell upon me; harsh and deathly. His voice betrayed the face of his, of such a sweet and enticing voice, he spoke,

'I want a new life.'

'You already own one. Do not ask for more.'

He hissed at my master,

'Have you not ask for one yourself!?'

From the side, I watched the annoyance within my master mask onto her face. The frown of hers became more true to the eye and her deep viridian green eyes suddenly turn to brighten emerald. I could see her neck tense and her jaw tighten, her fist on her lap clenched up and her aura grew even more cold and frigid. My master released a breath and she eased out controllably,

'Do not question me.'

'All I seek is to own a paper doll,' the man paused with an air of confidence, 'Or else I will take one myself…'

He stared hard at me again and I felt my body turn stiff, it felt as if something dark and evil was seeping into my body. A mixed feeling of the winter chill and the density of the rain; it was pelting down on my body and I felt heavy, drugged and unable to move. I heard the man's voice again,

'Personally.'

A cold hand wrapped around my pale hands on my lap and I felt a surge of energy run up my body, my master's husky voice bit back like a wolf,

'Have you not seen the fury of a Kuga?'

The burden suddenly lifted of my body and I leaned forward a little, my eyes catching hold onto the tight hold of my master's hand over mine. Her body still faced the man across the table and her face littered with anger, her eyes watched the features of the man return to look at her emerald eyes and I felt relaxed under the hold of my master's protection. Her cold grip on mine was harsh, but it felt soothing…My master…

This connection I cannot neglect, even though how desperate to be free of this bound. I cannot think ill of my master.

'I will make you one.'

I looked up to see triumph spread across the man's face, and my master's flushed across with nothing. There was not one hint of anger, suddenly the aura around my master had seemed to become less feral and the dense air smothered once by her dry autumn scent was only now lingering. I looked at the hand that had left my hands and I looked away for the first time.

'Kuga-sama…'

* * *

**A/N:** Now...can anyone guess what Shizuru is? If not, then the next chapter will so... I hope. Another dialogue preview:

'Undress.' I could feel her eyes on me, 'Now.'

Until the next update. Then again,

Cheers!


	5. Katashiro 5

**A/N**: I have big blisters along my palm of my writing hand due to my sailing, but other than that, I think I can manage to continue writing. Well, it seems that most of the reader have good guesses, but I won't say out what Shizuru is until the end. Just a note: that the word 'connection' and 'bound' have two different meanings, so Shizuru is talking about two different things when she uses those words. Enough with the babble, until the end,

* * *

'Kuga-sama?'

I stopped my steps to my master and her darks viridian eyes glared at me. The heavy atmosphere of the thickened autumn ate me, and displeasure once again rose on my skin. I trembled. The wooden paper cutter was in her hand and the stacks of cut and sliced paper littered around her. On one side, cut pieces of paper were bound by string and on the other side, piles of torn and wasted paper. I could smell the strong mash of dried paper wrapped around the dryness of autumn. My nose prickled and my hands tinged in pain. My master's harsh stare held strong onto my form and I pursed my lips together.

Half her yukata was off and her white bandages clean from their bound around her chest. Her bare back faced me and my eyes took in the ancient language that was scribbled all over her arms. It shone black under the dimness of the sunlight that seeped into her room; shut out from the vivacity of the world. I peeled my eyes off her well-toned form, I cannot think ill of my master. My master…

I could feel her eyes on me; I stood motionless by the doorway of her work room and then her low and husky voice cut the silence of apprehension,

'What are you doing here?'

I bit my lower lip and I struggled to find an answer, never have I experienced this happening in my life of serving my master. I have never seen such a thing happen to me. I could hear the low vibration from her throat and I hesitantly called out, the atmosphere thickened more,

'Kuga-sama…I…'

'I did not call for you Shizuru.' she paused, 'Leave.'

I held my form at the door way, her eyes had left me and her head turned back to carry on with her work. My ears did not pick up the cutting of paper, but instead another question that made me feel more displeasure rise upon my skin. I knew that my master did not like anyone to bother her when she was working, she had told me this morning to leave her alone right after breakfast. However, I faced something while washing the bowls and cutlery that rendered my senses useless. I needed my master help, and I needed it now. I held an uncomfortable hand to my chest and pressed it near the heart I was given. I needed my master's help now.

My master…

The question she posed to me recently rang in my ears like a chase and she repeated it again, a little harsher than what I usually heard when she was irritated,

'Shizuru? What are you still doing here?'

My foot moved back an inch on the wooden veranda outside her work room, but I stayed my moving mind, I needed my master's help. My hands throbbed in pain and I could see under the dimness of the covered veranda that the surface layer of my hand was flaking off like cherry blossoms in bloom. It was turning whiter and whiter, like ash that had burned in the Festival of the dead. I had never had such an occurrence like this happen to me. I hitched a breath and I could hear the thumping of my given heart beat wildly in my chest.

'Shizuru!?'

I jerked my head up from my constriction and I held my hands tight to my chest. What was happening to me? I moved forward to clear the shoji doors that were blocking my entrance to her work room. Her eyes narrowed at the sight of my entrance and the heaviness of the dying autumn embraced me with no sense of hesitation. The sunlight was covered in that instance and the room was pulled into a second of darkness. The waning light from the lone candle that was lit at her work table flickered. I heard my master growl loudly and my chest constricted, I didn't care about what'll she'll do to me. The displeasure on my skin could not be felt on my skin at that moment. I didn't care about the bondage to my master; all thoughts flew out of my mind that instance.

I could not neglect the connection I had to my master.

My master!

I was hugged by a miasma that made my hands twinge in further pain. I could see the bits of white flakes leave my hands, drifting like paper onto the floor. What on earth was happening to me? A minute I was washing and the next was this. I needed and wanted my master's help! I need her help now! I walked further into the room and I watched my master leave her tools on the table angrily, she rose at incredible speed. She barked at my intrusion,

'Shizuru, did you…!?'

I pressed my hands to my chest and I realised that my own breathing was ragged and rapid. I felt as if something was being torn away from my hands, something that kept me alive, something… I tried to breathe to call for her attention but all I could hear was the choking of my own voice. I looked at my master who had rushed to my staggering steps, my vision hazed and I saw her long dark arms rush around me. The heavy autumn scent and the crackling of the dried leaves died that very instance, I could feel something cool rush into my system and I saw nothing but darkness that sleep brought along.

* * *

My master…

I woke up to the clatter of hooves, and the rustle of the cherry trees. My eyes opened to find myself in my master's room, my body tucked neatly into the thick bed spread that carried the light autumn scent and the freshness of the ocean. Was this my master's true scent? I took a deep breath and I felt a sudden wave of calmness wash through me. It was so much different than the thick foliating smell that warped my master. I closed my eyes and realised that I was still looking through the eyes of a human, my chest was still beating with the given heart. The bound was yet to be broken.

Then what just happened to me?

I let out a long breath and inhaled deeply, bringing along another wave of calmness. I felt my fingers twitch and I felt the same sting run, I moved to bring them up and under the dying sunlight of this spring day I saw nothing but dangling flakes of white peeling off my hands. My eyes widened and I moved to touch lightly on the flakes of white.

Paper?

'Do not touch your hands.'

I flinched at the deep voice that resonated through the room and turned to find my master coming in with a stack of paper. Her yukata was pulled up loosely on her shoulders and her hair messily tied up into a pony tail. Her eyes were now the colour of light emerald and she seemed so distance. I could sense nothing but the light aura that poured off her figure. It was inviting and soothing. I tired to pull myself up but she raised her voice to tell me to stop, and I ceased my efforts. I lay slumped on the bed spread, the sheets running off my body.

'You could have just showed me your hands.'

My master settled herself beside me and I could see the grim expression she wore on her face. I looked away but back when she lifted the sheets off my body. Her deft hands moved over to pull me up into a sitting position and I felt weak at that moment. My ears picked up shuffling from her and in her hands she took out my small pouch that she protected. I gave it a blank look and she proceeded to open the pouch to take out the small box that she told me was the most important thing to her. I felt my cheeks burn, I cannot neglect the connection I have with my master, yet I cannot think ill of my master.

Even though how much I want to be free of this bound.

She opened the box and inside I saw a paper doll, like those that my master made of the Grand shrine of Ise. I snapped my eyes away when I noticed the red spot that was in the centre of the paper doll. I do not want to be reminded of the bound now, not now, not when I feel so vulnerable in front of my master. It feels that I am bare and naked lying in front of her. My master's voice called out to me,

'Undress.' I could feel her eyes on me, 'Now.'

I obliged to my master's wish and I loosened the cloth belt of my yukata. I gently pulled the lapels of my yukata down my shoulders and let the rest fall off my body, I sat there stone, watching white flakes come off my hands. It hurt. I felt her hands rest on my back and I felt fingers run down my spine, it was tender and soothing, my master asked quietly,

'Turn your back to face me.'

I did so obediently and moved to back to face her, my yukata creased around me. My master's hands slid around my back and pushed my hair aside, her cold hands were now warm and I shivered slightly at the contact. Then suddenly I yelped. Her strong voice gripped me,

'Relax Shizuru!'

My chest caved in and I gritted my teeth. My shoulders tensed up and my back convulsed in pain, jolts of piercing pain shot to where my master's hands was placed on my back. I could hear a low chant from my master and I felt as if I was plummeting into the darkness, as if something was literally being pulled out of my back. It was the feeling of being torn apart, it was…

My master!

Suddenly a strong wave rushed into me and I could feel a strong aura radiate off my back, I shifted my eyes to the side and I could see the faint glow of golden rise off my tensed back. It was a warm light and relaxing aura that made me look at it in awe. Then suddenly, I felt something was ripped from my back, straight and harsh. I screamed in pain. I could feel the tears well up at my eyes and my ears heard my master curse. I looked at my hands and I realised how white and pale my hands were and how it looked like it could be peeled right off. Within the huge amount of pain surging within me from my back, I weakly called out to my master,

'Kuga-sama…!'

Her answer was quick and fast,

'Close your eyes Shizuru.'

I quickly shut them, and I breathed deeply, in vain to control my fast rapid pace. I was frightened, my master! My ears heard fumbles and the sounds of my master sliding off the top of her yukata. I strained to hear the chant she was murmuring and the fast movements she was doing behind me. I heard a click of the unsheathing of a sword and a small grunt. My master…? At that moment I felt a piece of cool sheet being place onto the area where the pain was burning from. Paper. My master used her free hand to pull me close and I could smell the exact same scent that was embedded in my master's bed spread. My head was cleared from pain and I felt the hand on the paper press down and slowly a flow of energy ran through me. I raised my hands and I watched the flakes leave; the colour of life returned to my fingers, then to my palms and pain subsided.

My master's breath was fast and I was slouched against her heaving form that embraced me from behind. I felt her arms around my waist loosen and eventually pull away after a minute. I heard the shut of the box and the quick shuffle of movements behind me. I remained still as I relished in this strange feeling that had just been inserted into me. What did my master just do to me?

'The skin on your hands should not be flaking again when you touch water.'

I turned slightly to find her adjusting the top of her yukata on her chest. My master pulled her hair from its tail and I watched the deep ocean blue hair run down her back. My master's eyes locked onto mine,

'The spell that I have previously placed within you had faded.' She moved her right hand to hide within the depths of her sleeves, my eyes caught onto the crimson of blood, 'It is my fault for writing in ink.'

My master looked away and I searched desperately for her hands, I was sure I had seen a cut on her fingers. My master rose quickly and pulled the stack of paper that she had brought along with her. She locked eyes on me once again and I realised that I was bare to the bottom. Yet I did not care at the moment, I was sure she saw my naked form when she had brought me to life. My master's emerald eyes brightened at my surprise and she turned away saying,

'You look beautiful.'

I touched my chest and felt the thumping of the heart that was given to me. This bound that was forged; this forbidden connection that was formed. I cannot neglect both. My eyes trained onto the retreating figure, the board back of my master's. I kissed my hands,

'Kuga-sama…'

* * *

**A/N**: Ah? I think one should clearly know what Shizuru is now, if you've guessed it from the previous chapter, that's wonderful! Another dialogue preview:

'It hurts?'

If one wants to see the illustration that is done up for this story, just click on my hompage and look under the post titled 'Paper.'

Then again,

Cheers!


	6. Katashiro 6

**A/N**: I hope this short chapter will be able to trigger the suspense again. **hanazono**: Your connection and bound guess is almost there, no worries, info about it will be spread across the chapters little by little. **PlushAngel**: I'm taking animation in college. I'm terrible at lit. **ALEXISSA2**: The answer to your curious question will come soon. Until the then end, then again-

* * *

'Dinner will be ready soon, Kuga-sama.'

I moved my hands away from the chopping board and turned, expectedly to find my master standing at the doorway of the kitchen. I gave into a small bow as my master stepped into the kitchen and wandered aimlessly to me. My master's yukata sleeves were rolled up and tied behind her back, her arms no longer carried the lines of ancient language; it was pass sunset, and they disappeared after that. I moved over to the fire and lifted the pot gently off the stove to place it onto the wooden panel situated near the firewood. Lifting off the lid, I could pick up the clear fragrance of the hatcho miso lift from the soup that I had prepared for my master's dinner. The deep clear brown soup was simmering lightly and in the middle the miso stock particles poured out like a mushroom cloud. I closed the lid and I heaved a breath, the new batch of hatcho miso was fermented just in time before the old batch of white miso ran out.

'It smells wonderful.'

The dryness of the dying autumn was stowed away and the odd refreshing scent of the ocean and the lightness of early autumn spilled into the kitchen like a wave. My master stood beside me and watched my actions as I took the lacquered tray from the shelf. I gave into a nod and I moved over to get the bowls and plates for my master's food. My master kept her emerald eyes on me as I moved around, preparing her plate. As I scooped the rice into her bowl, my master's deep voice sounded out not far from me,

'You've burnt you fingers haven't you?'

I stopped my hands and I looked down to find that the burns that were made yesterday from carelessly handling the fire for lighting the stove were still bright red. The throbbing pain had long been forgotten but now when my master mentioned it, the searing whip of pain ran like a blot through my fingers. I pursed my lips and held steady onto the task of pressing the rice neatly into her bowl, I could not protest against my master. Not after what she had done to keep my hands from flaking away.

My master…

I kept my body forward and I placed her bowl onto the lacquered tray beside me, reaching over for the long chopsticks to fish out the vegetables I had fried, my master's low voice sounded once again,

'I can't do my work if you burn you fingers, Shizuru.' I lowered my eyes and stayed my hand, 'How am I suppose to cut paper?'

A pang of guiltiness washed over my shoulders and I placed the chopsticks down. My master's aura had not brought displeasure to me since the incident of where my hands were in need of repair, but her aura had grown into something so overwhelming that I cannot help but shudder to show some discomfort. The crackle of the dying autumn scent had been lingering around the household, even in her workplace; all what was was now replaced with something lighter. Had something change my master? I turned around and I pulled into a deep bow,

'I'm sorry for being careless Kuga-sama.' I paused as I felt the jolt of pain from my burnt fingers run up my hands, 'I will not…'

'I'm getting hungry.'

I stayed unmoved until I felt my master's presence leave the kitchen, I bit my lower lip and I watched my trembling fingers. This connection I cannot neglect, but this bound I must escape, I cannot have my master suffer because of me. Yet I cannot think ill of my master.

My master…

* * *

My eyes took in the same bright red burns that my master's fingers had, located at the same area that mine was. I looked away momentarily as my master chewed on a piece of steamed chicken, those burns that where made by my carelessness. I shifted slightly on my heels and I kept my eyes down onto the fine bamboo matting of my master's room. The light autumn scent had engulfed me and I felt somewhat giddy inside, not until my master's voice cut clear into my head,

'Shizuru.'

I held my breath and I waited for my master to continue,

'It hurts?'

'Kuga-sama?'

I peered up and found her staring at her fingers and I realised that I should not have. I turned back down and I felt the displeasure rise on my skin, without even the presence of the thick autumn atmosphere. I hung my head and the clatter of chopsticks fell onto her now empty bowl of rice. The miso soup had yet been touched, it was odd for my master to do so; it was always the first dish to be touched. Yet, isn't hatcho miso something that my master enjoyed?

I found my master's hand on my lap and I looked up cautiously to meet her emerald eyes.

'Come to my room tonight.'

* * *

**A/N**: The next chapter will come soon, another dialogue preview:

'Stay as you are.'

Then again,

Cheers!


	7. Katashiro 7

**A/N:** All of you have wonderful guesses about the bond, bound and connection between the two; yes, it is something like the Otome contract, but no in a lot of different ways to come. Don't worry, the explanation about it will come through the chapters. **Lokiador**: The master's reason for keeping such a doll will come, but in the second arc to come. Anyway, this chapter is something like chapter 5 but just that this shows more than what the master can do for its paper doll other than just casting spells. Until then, - cheers!

* * *

'Kuga-sama, I…'

My master's hand ran down my body and I could not help but shiver at her touch of cold and hot. My master's touches burned at some areas while shivers of coldness were sent through at other areas of my body. I stood stiff like a wood plank in the centre of her room, my unique kimono which I wore just for tonight to her room pooled at my feet. My girdle was long undone and the silk longed peeled off my skin. Like before, I stood in front of my master as bare as I could ever be, as naked as the day I was brought to life. My skin was prickling with the strange aura that my master gave off, something that consisted of the counter forces of the heavy dying autumn and the light early atmosphere of autumn. It was like the black and the white magatama, the two that represented the counter forces like of yin and yang. Now in my master's work room, it was much like that. It wasn't suffocating, yet it wasn't pleasant, it was neutral in a way.

My master stopped her hand over my navel and I looked down cautiously to meet my master's clear emerald eyes. She peered at me for a while and she rose to her full height to level her eyes with mine. My master kept her hand there and I heaved a breath when she moved closer to me. I cannot think ill of my master, though how much I want this bound to be broken. Though it was my master that brought about this forbidden connection, it was something she realised she couldn't neglect; now it is something that I don't want to neglect either.

Yet, I still cannot think ill of my master.

'Have you been feeling tired? Shizuru?'

My master's rough voice turned smooth at that second, I was stunned for a while before I realised this cool atmosphere engulf me. I turned slightly to look at the side of my master's face that came close to my shoulder; I could already feel the fabric of her night yukata against the front of my bare chest. I tensed slightly when my master's breath caressed my neck and I issued softly,

'Yes, Kuga-sama. I have…'

'Hold me.'

My master stopped me before I could reply her properly and I allowed myself to hitch a breath of surprise. My eyes widened at my master's action when I realised I had not followed her command. With her free hand, she reached over to grab my hand and move them over her shoulder. I watched my master's action until her emerald eyes moved over to meet mine to signal me to do the same with my other hand. I slid my hands over her shoulders and I looked at my burnt fingers that shone a hue of pinkish red in the warm glow of the candle light in her room. I had thought that I was to come here to get a scolding for my carelessness, or get the same treatment that my master had done to repair my flaking hands. Yet, here I am, naked, holding my master.

I cannot think ill of my master.

My master…

'Hold me tighter Shizuru.'

I tensed at that command. Never had I ever heard her ask me to hold her this way, previously, she had not even allowed me to hold her. It was always my master to initiate these moments; I cannot step over that boundary not matter how much I want to escape this bound. It is the good for my master, it is for my master. My master took a step further closer to me and I heaved my chest with a deep breath. I tightened my hold around her and I felt my master's hand at my navel press lightly into me. At this motion, the cool atmosphere that wrapped me was now seeping into my body and I could feel a wave flow from my master into me.

It made my legs go weak and I shivered uncontrollably. I clung onto my dear life on my master's shoulders and I felt like I was sagging against her. My master's free hand wound my waist and propped me against her body comfortably. The flow of energy that was rushing into me was making me go fragile, I was literally allowing my master to hold me against her and I could barely keep my arms around my master. It wasn't unpleasant, it was cooing and refreshing, it was exactly like the day my master replaced a spell within me. This energy though was much stronger and powerful, something that I could not just take it as it is.

Soon enough, when I felt as if this energy was going to burst in my body, my master withdrew her hand away from my navel and brought it over to my chest. I regained my sense of touch and I looked over my master's shoulders to find that my fingers that had been burnt were now the same healthy colour it was before. I looked on in surprise and then noticed how alive and energetic I was feeling…

My master…

The thought of what my master was doing to me tonight struck me fast. My ears picked up my master's heavy breathing beside my ear and I turned slightly in her hold to find my master's face pale and wet with perspiration. My master's dark hair was matted against her forehead and her emerald eyes hazy. I felt her rest her head on my shoulder and I felt the fast beating from the heart I was given. I panicked.

'Kuga-sama, you shouldn't have…!'

'It hurts?'

I kept my eyes on her face and I watched my master's eyes close briefly after she stopped me like always. Her true scent of the light autumn and the ocean washed my frame and I forced my eyes to tear away from the tired figure of my master. Looking at my fingers again, I touched the ends and as expected, I felt no sharp pain. I moved back to gaze at my master that had lifter her head off my shoulder, had her eyes closed, and pulled into deep thought. I answered quietly,

'It does not hurt anymore, Kuga-sama.'

I felt my master's hand on my chest caress the spot above my heart and I soon realised that my master had pulled back away from me. My arms fell dejectedly to the side of my body and the cold atmosphere of my master's room once again took my bare body into its hold. My master's rough voice echoed in the room to me,

'Be careful the next time you light the stove, Shizuru.'

I nodded silently and my eyes took off the form of my master as she lifted her hand of my chest and retreated to the other side of her room. I felt my given heart beat a little faster than usual. It seems that this connection of ours is something my master cannot take away; however, this bound is holding the both of us back. Then again, I cannot think ill of my master…even though how much differently I see through her actions.

My master…

I reached down to grab my kimono but something rose upon my skin to stop my actions. I looked up to meet my master's emerald eyes that had turned clear, and she gestured me to stop my actions. I looked in surprise at her and I dropped my kimono back onto the floor. I was starting to feel uncomfortable under the gaze of my master; my naked form was somewhat making me nervous under this gaze of hers. My skin prickled and I stood up straight to stand like how I served my master when she called for me.

'Kuga-sama?'

'Stay as you are.'

I could only nod at my master's request even though how odd it sounded to my ears, I had never heard of such a request or a command from my master. The scent of light autumn and the ocean suddenly became stronger and I realised that this particular scent didn't make the displeasure rise on my skin like the other heavy scent of my master's. It was calming like it has been, it was like…

My master walked over to me and shocked me on my stand when she reached over to embrace me. I tried my best not to question my master's actions and hoped that she will explain her sudden behaviour. I could feel my given heart beat wildly and my body turn a little hot; my master was closer that the comfort she previously pursued. What had caused her to change her mood so suddenly? Was it from my repair incident? My master's hold tightened around me and I was squeezed into her form. My legs weakened…

My master.

Her voice sounded into my ears and I shivered at the words. Words that were close to what I wanted to hear on nights when I arrived at my master's room in my exotic kimonos, waiting for them to shine. Yet it was still so far from the words I really wanted to hear…to hear those words to break these bounds and make our connection even stronger…but I cannot think ill of my master…

My master's words has already made me ecstatic since the first connection,

'Tonight Shizuru, sleep with me.'

* * *

**A/N:** It's up to one to decide what happens during the night, but all I can say that nothing beyong rating T happens. Oh wells, here's a another dialogue preview:

'Then tell me, how was she created?'

The Premiere of _Paper doll:Exclusive_ is on its way, so I'll tell all once it is up.

Then again,

Cheers!


	8. Katashiro 8

**A/N:** I'm impressed how everyone's imagination can get, but sad to say, this is the next chapter. **For all**: Note that the second arc of paper doll is coming, so look out for more twist and turns. Until the end of this long one, cheers!

* * *

'What is your real reason?'

The brown eyes of the man hardened at the sound of my master's voice in the large room. I watched quietly behind my master and I loosely took hold of my chihaya's sleeves. My actions went unnoticed by my master but the brown eyes of the man that had darkened jerked to watch me. I moved my eyes away from that deathly look and I focused onto the broad back of my master. The heavy dying autumn atmosphere which I had quite forgotten was washing the room, the same displeasure was already eating me, but somehow, it just did not feel so much disturbing than before.

My master sat calmly like usual; when she served all customers on their final meeting her presence was something no one could compare to. She had told me before hand that the man, that had come by before to seek her, was coming when the hour of the snake had come and I was to prepare her clothes for the ritual. It had already been a few weeks since his first meeting with my master, his face that seemed so much like a fox could not be taken off my mind so easily. However before me today, I realised that his cheeks had sunken in, and his body thinner than before. He looked more frail than usual and his weak aura of the winter chill confirmed it. Yet, his hungry brown eyes spoke much more…

Cutting the silence with his smooth endearing voice, he brought his eyes off me,

'I want a new life.'

In front of my master and the man was a small white paper doll, the surface of the paper gleaming in the orange sunlight. It was much different from the one that my master's kept for me, the one that was placed in that small wooden box that was so important to her. This one was slightly larger than the ones she made for the Grand Shrine of Ise, it was more rectangular and it carried a sense of hollowness. It looked dead in fact…it seemed that it could bring no life. My master dressed in her formal attire kept quiet for a moment or two and suddenly her low voice broke the silence,

'You are seeking the impossible.'

The man let off a frustrated grunt, tension that was building within him could be visibly seen through his dark brown eyes. He stared hard at my master and I pursed my lips, hoping for the better. The fine pitched voice of the man broke and he growled,

'That is a lie.'

'That is the truth.'

My master coolly answered back. The man, without a moment of hesitation, lashed back. He raised a finger and pointed at me, his brown eyes narrowing in anger,

'Do you call her life a lie?' I watched the man rise from his seat to emphasize his speech, his finger that held steady at me shook dangerously, 'Isn't that a new life.'

'Do not question about her.'

The man's dark brown eyes darted to my master's figure that sat steady on her seat, she did not waver. I could not make up what my master's facial expression would be, but I could imagine the slight scowl on her face and her emerald eyes hardening into dark viridian. I wanted to smile underneath my façade but, all of a sudden, my master's crackling autumn scent turned suffocating and the tense aura choking. I was immediately brought near my limit in sitting in this kind of situations; never had I experience such a ritual that turned so deathly and frightening by presence. It was different from the rest of the rituals that my master held with other customers, it felt as if a part of me was being dragged into this. Something that was deep and dark… Something that was much like of a well-hidden secret…

The room had turned cold in an instant and I still shivered underneath the layers of clothes that I wore for such events. The man, however, like a stubborn mule, stood bravely in front of my master. His finger was still raised at me, this time, his eyes followed. His endearing voice suddenly didn't sound so endearing,

'I know what she is, no matter how well the spell is cast to make her act or look human.' A stare became harsh and I trembled momentarily from it, 'you cannot fool the naked eye.'

I felt a tremor run through me and my given heart clenched in pain. It pulled me into a small yelp that was caught by my master, yet nothing could be done as the man continued on ruthlessly,

'There can be no one that can look and act as flawless as her.'

'There was.'

I flinched on the spot and my given heart once again lurched in pain. I looked up in surprise at my master's choice of words and I wondered was there really someone that looked like me. Someone that could be described as flawless as I was…However, wasn't it just a description of my exterior and not interior? Aren't I made of so many things pulled together? My mind was pulled into confusion like my heart was at that very moment. I grasp tight onto my kimono to distract myself from the surging pain that wrung round my given heart. Why was I feeling like this?

'Lies!'

What happened next was something I did not ever think would happen. The man stormed towards me and reached down to jerk me up, I struggled against his tight hold and my skin seared in pain as if boiling water had been poured on the area he was holding. My master rose quickly to her feet and placed a heavy hand onto the man that held me. I could see my master's eyes so clearly this time, it was as dark as the green forest could get and I could feel her deathly aura eat the both of us up. She growled like that of a wolf and I watched the twist in her hand on the man,

'Get your filthy hands off Shizuru.'

The man looked deep into me and I saw a flicker of greed in his dark brown eyes, soon enough, his tight grip around my wrist loosen and he pulled back. Taller than my master, he loomed dangerously in front of my master that took a step to stand protectively in front of me. I lowered my gaze onto her broad back and I felt something cool reach out to me. This connection is indeed hard to break. On my part, I understand why, but why is it so difficult for my master to neglect it this once?

My master…

How I long to escape this bond, yet I cannot think ill of my master.

'She is nothing but…!'

My master's rough voice cut the man to silence before he could even finish,

'To create a new life, from nothing but paper and spells; on its own is impossible.' My master backed towards me, 'What you ask is impossible to create.'

The man's glare fell upon me and it lifted at I heard a shuffle come from in front of me. His smooth voice came back and the endearing pitch fell in line, however his question could not hide his greed,

'Then tell me, how was she created?'

'Do not question me.'

My master bit back like a wolf and her aura turned even more deathly and disturbing that I felt my body cringe in displeasure and uneasiness. This was not anything I had expected. There was a surge of confidence in the air from the man that had taken a step back away from me and my master. He kept his brown eyes on me and smiled sinisterly,

'I have said it once, all I seek is to own a paper doll,' he fixed his gaze solely on me, and it was as if he was only talking to me, 'Or else I will take one myself, personally.'

'Your greed is asking for the impossible.' My master paused as if in contemplation, whether to carry on or not, 'Nothing will come from selfishness.'

It didn't sound like a joke or something to take lightly from the stern and strong voice of my master, but it seemed that the man didn't take it as it was put across. My body shuddered when an eerie laughter came from the man, in that find pitched voice of his; he sounded much like a madman,

'Selfishness? I offer you a price that even the richest lords cannot afford and you want more?'

He sneered at my master and I couldn't help but place a hand onto my master's back. It was more of an unconscious action than a thought of will. I tried to shut out the voice the man, but it seemed to just ring and ring even though it was directed at my master,

'Aren't you the one that is selfish?'

My master took a step forward and I watched my hand slip away from her back and I controlled myself from telling my master to just reject the man's wishes. It was what she did for all that pursued on without giving a thought of what lay in front of them. I hoped hard for the words that my master told all that sought for the object she made the living off. Words that would give me a sense of security but at the same time sullen guilt that would somehow stir within me. However, at least, it was reassuring.

Indeed, my master spoke those words,

'Are you willing to sacrifice?'

Then I would wonder, what did my master sacrifice to set up this bound between the both of us. That thought of mine drifted off when a deathly silence engulfed the room. I kept my eyes locked to the ground and I daren't move under such tension. The heavy aura of my master toned down a little, and I guessed as much that she was going to say something,

'Your answer would be a no.'

'Wait…!'

'The greed in your eyes can bring about no sacrifices.' My master had seemed that she had grown to match the height of the man, 'your wish is nothing but farfetched.'

The air of confidence that radiated from the man died instantly and I looked up to find my master walking away to the blank paper doll that lay on the fine bamboo matting of the room. My master picked it up deftly with her fingers and examined her own handiwork,

'When there is desire, there is sacrifice.'

The man brought his gaze onto me and moved forward in my direction; hastily he reached his hand out to grab me. I moved back at his motion and before I could call out desperately for my master, I heard a low murmur from in front and my eyes watched a clean cut form on the sunken face of the man. Not a second later, the cut was pulled into a tear that tore at his skin. Fresh red blood rushed out like a stream and within my ears echoed the screams of the man that was brought to his knees, his hands masking his bleeding face. I looked on in horror as my master approached the man from behind; the room went cold and frigid in the last moments of sunlight, my master's voice was rough and low,

'Do not anger me. Have I not warned you before?'

My eyes were suddenly hazed by a thick miasma and I could barely make out the paper doll that my master carried in her hands. I heard a fast word escape my master's mouth and I saw the paper doll that my master had prepared so delicately get slit into two. Watching that alone made my given heart clench and my body turn weak; how delicate life was. The man that was at my master's feet trembled in fear, holding on his face that was dripping with fresh blood he broke down whimpering, the winter chill of his escaping the vicinity of the Kuga household.

My master's eyes sought mine out swiftly and the dark colour of viridian vanished when our eyes met. She gestured me to leave the room and her voice assured me so,

'You may retire for the night Shizuru.'

* * *

**A/N: **Remember chap 4 if you must. There is a slight hint to the events prior to everthing that is happening in the present. No worries, the second arc to come will explain all. Another dialogue preview:

'Are you questioning my actions, Shizuru?'

Then again,

Cheers!


	9. Katashiro 9

**A/N:** I have to say that I was happy when writing this chapter. **Lokiador:** I'm sorry to say that I can't really answer all your question at the very moment, if I do so, I would be plainly giving away the story. That is something I don't really like to do. Again so, the second arc to come will clear your probing questions. **ALEXISSA2:** Your guess is a wonderful guess! Then again, I will not hold everyone up, then

* * *

'Kuga-sama…?'

For the last week, I have been going to sleep and waking in the arms in my master. I've never been so close to my master ever before, neither have I been locked in her arms tightly and protectively. I moved slightly in my master's arms that were secured around my waist and I kept my eyes trained onto her sleeping face. It seemed that no matter how many times I have called out softly to my master, none of them have stirred her from her deep slumber. Her true scent is indeed the mixture of the lightness of autumn and the freshness of the ocean. Clear and distinct, I have never felt so at ease in her presence since the man had left the Kuga household.

Ever since the day my master had told me to sleep with her, I have been retiring to her room to sleep. It was her orders, and it was something I could not decline. Though no matter how much I feel that I'm obliged to her, there is this small voice within my head that issues whispers to me that it was something that always have happened. I had made an effort to retire to my room once, but I was confronted by my master that night, and I was brought to her bed to sleep. I had never been held so dearly in my life. I have no idea what had triggered within my master to have her to act this way, but it is indeed beyond what she has ever done to me.

The kimonos that I wear to her room every night is stripped from my body and there I will be gathered into her arms and held to sleep, naked the day I was brought to life. My master would have her night yukata on, her bandages around her chest pulled free from their bound, and I could hear the strong beating of her heart. Through the night would she just hold me and her strong breathing lull me to the depths of slumber. Sometimes I wonder was this really how my kimonos were to shine. To shine in way that showed only half of what I had desired.

Though this connection is something I cannot neglect. It is also a connection I cannot bare to see it as one-sided.

However I cannot think ill of my master, no matter what her actions show.

My master…

'Kuga-sama.'

Summer was coming; the suns ray weren't that light as it was in the early hours of spring. The light of dawn that shone through the slight gap of the shoji doors and the dry oiled paper filtered into my master's room, partially chasing away the gloom that was always present in the work room of hers. My master stayed stilled and I looked down to my master's body before me. The same sight I see every breakfast, now I see it up front like before, drenched in the brightness of fresh blood.

My hands would feel the wetness of my master's yukata, the brightness of the fresh blood and how all this came from no wounds and no injuries. It is a wound that my master bares unnoticed. I remember how I wondered how my master's white night yukata would turn into a colour of crimson the next morning. Now, during the nights I spend with my master, I still don't even know where this blood that soaks the cloth comes from. All my bare skin would notice would be how my master's yukata would gradually turn wet due to the sudden appearance of blood from her body. It scares me; it scares me that my master is losing blood from her body that I don't even know where it comes from. Or is it even my master's blood? Or it is even blood since when I wash it; it turns dry at the instant contact of water and flakes off my master's yukata like paper. So much like the red lantern paper that I see at the gates of Kaminarimon, the thunder gate at Asakusa.

I'm confused. I'm lost, and I'm in need of answers. What is happening to my master every morning? This gruesome fact that I have to face every morning is something that only my master knows. I see how unfazed she is by the fact that her clothes are soaked to the bottom with the rich colour of red blood, and to the strong smell of the copper tinge. After so long of facing this, I am undisturbed by it and I have gotten used to it, but within me, I am lost and I am scared for my master.

The ancient language that disappears at night reappears in daylight; once the sun rises, it glows along side the colour of darkness, the colour of obsidian. I touched my master's arm lightly through her drenched red sleeve and I could feel a strong pulse run from her to me. Within her embrace, I feel more alive and awake. It is exactly how I feel after she had passed me her energy and healed my burnt hands. My master…

'Shizuru…?'

'Kuga-sama.'

I felt the arms around my waist unwind and shift my body slightly away from my master's body. My master's emerald eyes look beyond me and her realised how she herself look lost and confused, but most of all my master carried the expression of guilt. Why of all emotions? I looked away from my master's eyes and dragged my body away from her hands that held my arms softly. Pulling myself up from the bed matting, I realised how my skin was stained slightly but the crimson blood from my master's yukata. Looking down at the spread before, I set sight on the same crimson soiled bed spread of my master's. It is a normal sight now, no matter how frightening it looks. I must stay unfazed, I cannot complain.

I would be complaining to my master if I do.

My master…

'I will prepare breakfast, Kuga-sama.'

I eased myself out of the thick covers of my master's bed and reached over to my pile of clothes that I folded before sleeping. I could feel my master's gaze on my form the minute I stood up and put on my undershirts followed by my yukata. By the time I had finished tying my sash across my waist, my master's low voice called out behind me. I turned back to face her and my eyes set onto her slumped upright body on the bed, the lapels of her yukata loose on her shoulders.

'Prepare breakfast later.'

I raised my eyebrows at her question and I felt my eyes widen slightly. My master's emerald gaze lowered onto her yukata washed with red and looked back a second later to meet my eyes. She continued tiredly,

'Please prepare a bath.'

My master pulled the soiled sheets off her body and I watched her place her hands onto her wet night yukata as if to see how soaked it was this morning. I gave a small bow to my master and proceeded to exit her room. However, like always she stopped me with her voice and I was brought back to face her. I stood by the shoji doors of my master's room and looked into her eyes. My master gave my body a brief scan and she said nonchalantly,

'Later, Shizuru, we can eat breakfast together.'

I gave into a deep bow to acknowledge my master's words and I stepped out of my master's room quietly. Walking down to my room, I could feel my given heart beat a little faster than usual. I couldn't help but slip out,

'Together.'

* * *

'Kuga-sama…!'

'Relax Shizuru.'

No matter what my master said, my body still remained tensed and stiff as my master lifted me up from the ground and slowly slipped me into the warm water that filled the large wooden rectangular tub. My skin prickled slightly as I felt my feet touch the surface of the water, followed by the length of my body and then to my shoulders. I shuddered slightly though the warmth of the warm water wrapped my body. My brown hair below my shoulders that was wet by the water floated up to the surface of the water. I hugged my knees as I watched my master test the water like how she did when I was told to come in.

I was surprised by my master's wish when she called me from outside while I was checking on the fire that heated the water inside the tub. When I entered the bathhouse, I found my master still in her night yukata, the fresh red blood staining the dry smooth wooden tiles on the ground. My master stood by the tub, and when she looked up at the sound of my call for her, she motioned me over. Then, as unusual as how she was behaving recently, my master commanded me to undress.

I hesitated for a while until she barked at me to take off my casual yukata that I had changed into. I hastily shed my clothes to the floor and stood nervously under her gaze. I looked down at my body and realised that my skin was stained with the blood from my master's yukata, I fidgeted on the spot. The hot steam from the water in the tub drafted around me like a haze and it blurred my vision slightly. Little then did I notice that my master reached out to take hold of my body and lift me up. Hence from then, I was gently slipped into the warm water of the large wooden rectangular bathtub by my master.

My eyes noticed the red stains from my skin flake off like wet paper from my skin and float to the surface of the water. I gently reached out to touch it and it withered away like ashes in the wind. It looked as if it disintegrated. I moved my legs closer to my body and I dare not look at my master that stood with her back to me. Her yukata still wet with the colour of red blood. I looked at the clear water before me and to my body that was submerged in water. Not too long ago, when the spell within me had faded, I would be flaking like my hand was previously if my master had not replaced the old with a new one within me. My master…

'Kuga-sama.'

'What is it Shizuru?'

Through the steam that rose from the water, I cautiously turned to look up at my master's back. I breathed out quietly, wary of my question,

'Wasn't this bath prepared for you?'

'It is.'

My eyes widened at the quick answer that was given to me and I realised again what my master was doing for me. I moved in the water to push myself up but my master's strong voice stopped me,

'Shizuru.'

'Kuga-sama, I cannot…!'

My eyes met with my master's strong emerald gaze and I stopped my actions of trying to get myself out of the water. I slipped back into the water and I dropped my gaze with hers and I reached to hug my knees. Not long after what had happened, my master issued the first sigh I have heard for a very long time and I heard the shuffle of fabric against skin. My ears picked up my master's grunt and I turned to find my master slipping her stained yukata off her body. I moved again in the water to pull myself into a corner and I closed my eyes hoping not to disturb my master while she prepared to get into the water.

However what was expected was turned against me, my master was performing a routine so much off her usual self. What has made my master so? Hearing my master slip into the water, I felt a hand slip to wrap round my arm and before I knew what was happening, I was pulled to my master and my body turned stiff at the contact of my master's skin against mine. Actions stilled in the water but I kept my eyes closed. Isn't my master taking this forbidden connection a step too far?

My master?

This connection I cannot ignore, but I cannot push the boundaries that my master has limited for the both of us. Yet, my master's actions are not making things any easier for me.

My master!

'Relax Shizuru.'

I realised that I have held my breath and I opened my eyes slowly to find myself locked in the same embrace that my master gives me every night. I breathed out slowly into her neck and I shiver when I notice my master's hand land on my back. I hitched a breath when a warm breath from my master was issued to my ear and I couldn't help but object to my master's sudden awkward actions. I tensed again.

'Kuga-sama. I cannot be…'

'Are you questioning my actions, Shizuru?'

I shut my mouth and I kept my gaze fixed onto the ancient language that was squared all over her arms. My master had her head above mine but I still strained myself to prevent my eyes to level with her own. I felt my given heart beat wildly in my chest, and it was first time I could feel my cheeks burn with this unknown sensation. I was trembling slightly in the arms of my master and I was afraid of moving. I felt giddy for some reason and my mind swirled. I could hear the soft whisper of my mind telling me that this was what happened; it was something that I couldn't escape. However what was repeated in my mind was foreign to me.

How could these actions have happened when my master daren't hold me in such a manner before?

How could this be alright if this connection was forbidden in the first place?

Why is my master acting like this suddenly?

It scares me, but assures me in an ironic way.

I flinched a little when I felt the hand on my back run up to touch the ends of my hair. I daringly looked up to find my master in a state of calmness, her eyes close and a rare smile formed on her face. I wanted to reach up and touch her face, I didn't know what had made me want to, but my fingers had the sudden itch to. It was an unconscious thought that suddenly became a will of thought. This connection is pushing my limits…

'Kuga-sama.'

'I wonder why you are compelled to call me that.'

My eyes widened at that, and I looked at my master in utter confusion, surprise and shock. I watched her eye lids pull back and reveal her clear emerald eyes. I quickly lowered my gaze and looked at my hands that I had brought to place above my chest. Aren't I my master's servant? Aren't I someone much lower than her, someone that I owe my life to for bringing me to life and someone that I have to fear and adore? Is that not why she is my master and I am required to call her Kuga-sama? I closed my eyes and pursed my lips, not long before I opened them to state my reason that was urging to spill out.

'You are my master.' I paused and looked up slightly to stare at her neck,

'That is why, Kuga-sama.'

* * *

**A/N:** Remember chapter 2 if you must. Here, I say that chapter 10 will be the end of the first arc. The second arc will start from chapter 11 onwards. Another dialogue preview,

'I have a message for you from the Grand shrine of Ise'

Then again,

Cheers!


	10. Katashiro 10

**A/N:** The ending chapter of the first arc is short, but I have to say I cannot put in so much infomation in what is going to come in the second arc. I hope it will keep you in suspense like always. Then again, I will not hinder,

* * *

'Fujino-hime?'

I looked at the tall and muscular man that stood in front of me, his tall figure blocked out the early rays of the summer sun. His eyes widened at me and I gazed at him, who was this princess was he talking about? The Kuga household has no habitant called Fujino, as so he speaks. My eyes glanced at his attire and I realised that he was a messenger for a shrine. His kimono kept pristine white and his hakama dyed of the colour of dark blue. The sleek black hair of hair pulled tightly into a top knot and his dark eyes staring at me in shock.

I pulled my hands away from the wooden frame of the door into the Kuga household and wondered again, who was this Fujino princess that he had questioned.

I am Shizuru.

I am no princess, only but a servant to Kuga-sama.

'Are you looking for Kuga-sama?'

I asked him rather politely after the strange silence took over us. I placed my hands in front of me and gazed over to the page boy that held the brown horse of this man before me. My voice somewhat broke that infinite daze of the man that loomed before me and he stuttered out,

'Yes…yes.' His speech then soon became clear,

'I am a messenger from the Grand Shrine of Ise; I have come to relay a message to Kuga Natsuki. '

I nodded politely at the man,

'Wait here, I will call for Kuga-sama.'

Before I could turn to move back and walk back through the courtyard, my skin picked up the comforting aura that my master now gave off and my nose was filled with the freshness of the ocean and the light smell of fall. I knew my master was near and I turned to expectedly find her walking out of the sliding doors of the second entrance of the house and towards my direction. I had wanted to call out to her, but all of a sudden, I felt a strong grasp land onto my arm. The messenger's voice whispered,

'Fujino-hime, why are you…?'

My master hand gripped hard onto the man's wrist and I managed to pull my arm away. I eased away slightly from the messenger before me and moved over to stand next to my master. My master's eyes darkened under the sunlight and her presence made the atmosphere somewhat cold and unpleasant, like always, I am already used to it. My master's spoke coldly,

'Do not touch her.'

The messenger's face blanked for a second or two and his face turned pale after that. I watched a shiver run through his arms and the horse behind him became somewhat restless all of sudden. His dark eyes had lost its colour and it widened more at the sight of my master. He hastily pulled his hand back and glanced at me in disbelief. Out of the blue, the messenger pulled into a low bow before my master. His voice was trembling; no matter how hard to hide his fear, it came out so evidently in the way he spoke.

'Good day Kuga-sama,' I felt my master's hand rest on my shoulder and I briefly glanced at my master, 'I have a message for you from the Grand shrine of Ise.'

My master moved her head to gesture me to leave her side and I gave into a bow. As I pulled back up, dark eyes of the messenger looked at me in doubt and his mouth turned into a frown. It was as if he was scared at me, terrified of me when I have done nothing but give a presence before him.

What is there to be terrified of?

I am only Shizuru.

A mere servant of my master…

My master.

* * *

**A/N: **The first arc of 'Paper doll' has officially ended. I hope that one has enjoyed it and will continue to read 'Paper doll'. Sad to say that there's no preview dialogue for the continuing second arc, so one will just have to wait. Soon, but very soon.

**For the info: **One must remember that I never introduced Shizuru as Fujino Shizuru, in the story and in the summary. So that explains why Shizuru is questioning. That is all I can give at the moment. The second arc to come will bring more questions, but also more answers.

Then again,

Cheers!


	11. Intermission: Road to Ise

**A/N:** Pardon my late update, this particular chapter happens between the first arc and the second arc. I realised if I move right into the second arc, people will be confused, hence, this is the interlinking chapter between the two. There is nothing to worry, for nothing drastic happens in this chapter. Until the end,

* * *

'Come here Shizuru.'

I turned slightly under the covers of the thick bed spread, and my eyes settled onto my master motioning me to get up and move to where she was seated. I felt weird to move away from the covers after the fact that I had nothing but the bed sheets to cover my bare body. I wondered why my master still insisted on making me go to bed with her bare to the day I was brought to life, even when we were now far from the safety of the Kuga household.

However, wherever I am with my master, I am safe.

My master's emerald gaze landed on my unmoved body and I watched her close her eyes briefly and she reached over to grab her riding jacket that I had folded before she changed. It seemed that my master could read my mind more easily these days, or was it just simply I didn't notice how she could all along. My master held the jacket out and gestured me over again. Her voice cut the silence of the night, it echoed deeply in the inn room.

'Come here, Shizuru.'

I rose quickly as the coldness of the early summer night engulfed my naked body. I was wrapped by my master's riding jacket the moment I arrived in front of my master. I took notice how alive my master looked tonight as it was unusual for the past week after leaving the Kuga household for the Grand Shrine of Ise, located in the serene Kansai.

My master seemed so different than before.

On the first day the messenger arrived; my master had returned inside after I heard the horse's hooves clatter away on the grounds outside. My master's did not have her normal calm expression. It was much rather a frustrated and confused expression that rendered me lost and unable to ask my master whether it was the same message from the Grand Shrine. I had wanted to ask whether the Shrine had wanted another stack of paper dolls, if so, my master did not need to look worried about spending more days within the confines of her work room for there were two stacks left in the store room.

However, what made me refrain from asking was the fear that had somehow surfaced within my master's emerald eyes. It was as if my master was afraid of something. I stood patiently on the veranda to the main hallway and my master merely glanced at me when she moved pass me. It was only until after dinner when I was washing the bowls when my master came into the kitchen wing, stood by the doorway and told me that my presence would be needed.

I simply obliged with no question. My master words are something I cannot object.

I had no clue of what my master was talking about until the day the same messenger arrived at the Kuga household with another message for my master. As usual, the messenger was afraid at the mere sight of my presence. My master dismissed me, and came back in later that we were to leave for Kansai on the coming day of the sun. It was then that it struck me that my master was taking me to the Grand Shrine of Ise, since my master's presence, as I have assumed, was needed by the high priestess of the Grand Shrine.

It was the first time; I have ever noticed how agitated my master was before we left the Kuga household.

On the night before we left, my master's friend of sorts came by with his family and acknowledged the fact that they were now in charge of looking after the Kuga household within my master's absence. As they left to retire for the night, my master as usual held me to sleep, but I noticed how her fingers trembled on my back and her strong breathing shallow. In the morning, I noticed that my master's yukata was drenched with more blood than usual and the ancient language glowing more fiercely.

My master dressed me this time round and told me that I was going to travel to the Ise Shrine in a palanquin. She reminded me that I was not to take off the head dress that she prepared for me to wear when I was walking in the open. I was confused, since when had my master been so preoccupied with the fact that I am not allowed to show my face in public. It was not how it used to be when she took me to the market to buy necessities.

Why so the sudden change?

My master dressed me in a kimono far beyond the kimonos I wear to her room every night; I was dressed in silk that had gracious brightness of the high deity Amaterasu and the intricate pattern of the summer ginko leaves. I was awed. When a shout was heard at the entrance of the Kuga household signalling the arrival of our escort to Kansai. My master lead me to the palanquin and I could hear the low murmurs of question of who I was. Inside, even I questioned, why was I, a servant of Kuga-sama, being treated like someone much more worth than a commoner?

My master rode on horseback next to the palanquin I was in and during that one week of travelling, all I would see at nights of rest was the distraught face of my master until now.

My master seemed so alive tonight.

My master?

'Shizuru.'

I turned out of my reverie and looked to face my master that had brought out a stack of paper from the boxes that she had packed along with all our other items and belongings from the Kuga household. My master placed a sheet of thin square white paper in front of me and gently lifted me up so I sat facing her. I pulled the ends of my master's riding jacket across my bare body and she passed me a small smile,

'Do you know Origami, Shizuru?'

'No, Kuga-sama.'

My master's emerald eyes widened and it was long ago that I had heard her laugh. My master pulled forward and took hold a piece of white paper and she grinned to herself,

'Watch me Shizuru.'

Before I could nod and answer politely, my master's right hand moved so deftly and fast that everything ended so quickly. The result from watching her hand fold, twist and turn was a small white paper bird that rested in her palm. It wasn't just a small white paper bird but a crane. A crane that represented longevity and that my master made with just her right hand.

Did I just see wrongly?

I realised that I had let go of holding the ends of my master's riding jacket and moved closer to look at my master's movements. The riding jacket slid of my shoulders and it wasn't long before I took notice of it when my master shifted over and pull me to her body. I sat in my master's arms like a little girl would do on along the market street, within the protective arms of her mother or father. The freshness of the ocean and the lightness of the early autumn engulfed me comfortably; my master's breath moved down my neck and I looked in amazement at the small paper crane that was passed into my hands.

'Do you like it Shizuru?'

I had no words to say how I felt, for I had never seen such art be preformed so delicately, deft and skilful at one go. My master cradled me like how she did in bed and I was sure my master was waiting for an answer. I could not allow my master to wait.

'Yes, Kuga-sama.' I paused to look at how neatly folded and how it wasn't even crumpled anywhere, 'its beautiful Kuga-sama.'

My master's hand covered my hands and suddenly she tightened her grasp and I yelp when I realised my hands were forced to close up onto the paper crane. I looked on in horror when my hands re-opened to find a crumpled paper crane, looking quite dead like the paper doll the man had so wanted to own. My master's voice tapped my ears,

'Now it isn't Shizuru.'

I turned rigid at my master's words and I turned back to find my master slipping out from behind me. I looked at my master in disbelief and my ears picked up my master's rough voice as she reached down to pull me up,

'It shows how delicate life is.' My master pulled me into a firm embrace, 'It shows life is indeed similar to paper.'

My master pulled back and my body felt the same strong surge of energy rush into me. It was a first to find my master's voice sound ever so haunting,

'I wish your life wasn't as delicate either.'

My master...

* * *

**A/N:** The second arc starts right after this; I hope all will enjoy.

Then again,

Cheers!


	12. Ningyou 1

**A/N:** This marks that start of the second arc of 'Paper doll'. **Note to all:** In the first arc, the story is told through Shizuru's eyes, now in turn, the story is now told through Natsuki's eyes. Hence, there is a change in the POV. This is told to avoid confusion. I hope all would enjoy the second arc as they did in the first. Until the end,

* * *

Life previously was made of paper, which was what my father told me when we arrived at the red gates of the Grand Shrine of Ise.

I was only at the tender age of seventeen, near the prime of my adolescence and ready to take the next step into a new life. I was innocent inside, but brash and rude on the outside. I was cold at times and hot headed when needed, yet most of the time I realised I was still hiding behind the big sleeves of my father's.

What was I back then?

I was just a child.

I was my father's apprentice, a religious paper doll maker. I was still learning scriptures and texts, I had yet to learn how to wield a paper cutter and cut out a perfect paper doll I see my father do every time. I was eager to learn such a skill, but something inside screamed out to me that I shouldn't take the route that my father was practising. However, through my eyes then, where was the harm?

The Grand Shrine of Ise was near from my home in the Gifu prefecture; however my father told me that we had to move into the Shrine's residence in order for things to be efficient. My father was the only source that provided religious paper dolls for the Grand Shrine of Ise; it seemed that he was the only one in the five countries to be able to produce such things. He was summoned to Ise for work and I as his apprentice and daughter followed him obediently.

My mother had died from child birth, and my father described how I was the splitting image of my mother. I had been rebellious when I was a little toddler, always making my father furious when I played with the paper dolls in his work room; they after all looked like miniature men that were just flat. He would scold me and reprimand me of my behaviour. However, what he would always say in the end would be solemn and confusing,

'Don't take things lightly. Things aren't always as they seem.'

I thought he was referring to himself back then, but then I realised when I grew up that it was the paper dolls he were referring too. My father is something not to mess with; many say that he has the hands of life, while many say that he is the avatar of Izanami. I, myself, just say that my father is magical. He does wonders with the paper dolls he makes. That is why he keeps on saying; don't take things lightly, things aren't always as they seem. I wanted to be like my father.

I wanted to see life in a new way.

When we moved into the Grand Shrine of Ise, my father was respected highly by then high priest in command. He too had a worthy apprentice to take on his role when he passes into the next world. She was promptly introduced to me as Tokiha Mai; a girl of my age, with red fiery hair that beamed like the summer sun at dusk. Her eyes were the colour of lavender and she looked as if she knew everything about life by heart.

She saw right through me. What I wanted to be and what I was eager to learn.

She had warned me so then, like how a voice in my head screamed out to me, and now, here right at this moment, she says the same things to me. After so many years,

'Why are you living like this?'

'What do you possibly mean?'

I came down from the horse that the escort to Kansai had provided me and I freely passed the reigns to the boy that came running out from the small temple by the side. Mai hasn't changed much when I left the Grand Shrine years ago, and I remembered I had vowed not to come back, but now I am. Why?

It was because I was requested by the emperor himself to be within the presence of the Grand Shrine.

That is something I cannot decline. I am not even of a status to even talk back.

I am only now a paper doll maker, like my father had been.

My ears picked up the panting of the palanquin bearers come from behind me and the steady hoof beats of the escort horse. The messenger that had come to my household had accompanied me to Kansai; he after all was in charge of my safety and the company I had brought along with me. He had apologized to me that he had mistaken my companion as someone he known, that his brash behaviour towards my companion before to be forgiven. I had not forgiven him such, I felt that I cannot.

I am now afraid, for I know Mai will take notice of my companion.

Mai will be speechless, that I am afraid.

That is why I vowed not to come back here.

Mai looked over my shoulder to eye the palanquin and then moved to eye my suspiciously. She titled her head up a bit and pondered,

'Something is subdued; something of great intensity and power.'

She could tell; Mai, after all, is now the high priestess of the Grand Shrine of Ise.

I kept quiet and I moved over to the side of the palanquin. I waved the messenger away that had approached to the sliding door of the palanquin, waiting for my command. He moved away to the side of Mai and I looked back to see the thousand steps up to the Grand Shrine of Ise and I grimaced slightly. Was this how cruel the world is, to laugh and scorn at me that I have become so?

That I have done and made something so?

However, it was a feeling I had longed for. It was something I wanted to have; it was a connection I could not neglect.

It was…

My ears picked up the light voice of my companion and I turned to it after being used to be called by it, even when I had never once told her to call me by that. Yet she still does, no matter what. She had said before, and it had haunted me so, it made me somewhat insecure. She calls me that over and over again, and she calls me yet again,

'Kuga-sama?'

I slowly slid the palanquin door open and I looked at her calm state like always. Her expression is like always, like all to see, it is something different, it is still something I am not used to. Even after years with her. Yet I adore her, I like her, I love her, but not the way that I had wanted. This is after all a forbidden connection, something that was not even supposed to form.

But my desires?

I am even afraid to say my affections for her, for the bound will break and she would no longer be the lady I see before me. Then why did I even make her so? Why? Was it because I longed for the one before?

'Kuga-sama?'

I realised that I drifted off into my reverie and I looked up to meet those clear cardinal eyes, those eyes which I had never been so tired of looking at even when I lived here back then. However, they looked at me so differently then when compared to now. I know that, but why, but why do I still have the same feelings I have for her.

Haven't I closed myself from loving her, since all it brings to me is pain? Then why, then why am I in love with her? Am I not being selfish! I took hold of her hand briefly and I gently guided her out of the palanquin. My mind ringed with something that I had recalled long ago, her voice echoing in my mind, haunting it seemed, but it seemed so real,

'It is my wish.'

'Kuga-sama?'

She looked at me and I looked down at my hand on hers. I then realised why I have done all this, why this is all happening to me, why I am love with her even though she is someone different than the one before. I looked at her and hid her from being seen by Mai first. I traced out her lips for the first time with my fingers and I realised it was as soft like back then. I frowned and lowered my head.

I live my life in a lie,

'Nothing Shizuru. Nothing.'

* * *

**A/N:** I had changed the POV to Natsuki's to allow one to see other than what Shizuru feels and thinks about everything. Natsuki has her story to tell and I will not deprive her so.

The second arc chapter titles is 'Ningyou' which means doll/puppet in Japanese. Mai plays quite a role in the two main character's lives, nevertheless, I will come to that soon. From here, the events will take place on the religious grounds of Ise. It is truly a spectacular place... I will digress if I continue. Another dialogue preview:

'I have brought about nothing!

Then again,

Cheers!


	13. Ningyou 2

**A/N: **All your guesses are fantastic! There are some guesses that almost hit the exact spot, but then, I will not give out the secret of Shizuru just yet. After all Natsuki is the one that has to tell her tale. The story continues, questions will be answered soon, but let us have sympathy for a troubled Natsuki. Until then,

* * *

'I am not allowing her to stay here.'

I looked up at Mai who stood her ground at the doorway to my room, the same room that I had stayed in years ago. My eyes caught onto the intensity in her lavender eyes and I gritted my teeth as I loosened the cloth belt around my waist. I growled lowly at her,

'Then you might as well move me out.'

'I am not playing around.'

I moved over to my riding jacket that I had thrown onto the bamboo flooring. I pulled it into my firm grasp and looked to the boxes that contained my belongings that I had brought along from my household back in Kyoto. I eased out a heavy breath and I forced my skin to prickle even though the sun had fallen and the night atmosphere turn from humid to cold. The atmosphere turned a lot colder than expected and I breathed in deeply,

'I am not playing around Mai,' I shot my eyes back to the lavender ones that had sensed the change in my aura and mood; I was doing it on purpose, solely on the fact that Shizuru is my belonging.

She is now considered mine in this religious place,

'She stays.'

'She is not something I want roaming in the Grand Shrine!'

I dropped my riding jacket back onto the floor and I straightened my back. Tensing my shoulders I took a step to the doorway and I seemed to watch Mai shrink under my presence. Mai may be the high priestess of the Grand Shrine of Ise, but without my supplies, she cannot perform her duties. With that alone, I hold a higher authority than her, and other than that, I have so much more I can do than just making paper dolls.

I have so much more. I, a paper doll maker, have a status much not to be reckoned with.

However, I cannot push Mai's limits.

This is her domain, and I am under her now.

Yet, I have my limits with anyone that touches on anything associated with me. This time, in fact, Shizuru is to be left out of all of this. Why did I even bring her? That is because; she is the only one that held me and still holds me down to sanity. That is the truth; that was a wish, and that was and is something I could not neglect.

'She is of nothing harmful,' I raised my voice a little beyond my comfort, 'She never was, and she will never be.'

I had to get my point across. Mai looked at me in utter bewilderment and she pursed her lips after much thought and distress. I shuffled to turn my back against her and reached out to get my riding jacket. However before I could do so, Mai's voice stopped me,

'I can feel it.' I turned slightly to eye the high priestess, 'You know I can feel it.'

I was annoyed at this point.

'What can you feel?' I gnashed my teeth together and sneered, clenching my fist, 'My guilt? My sorrow? What is it that you can so feelingly be aware of!?'

I have never seen those lavender eyes darken on me and narrow dangerously at my green ones. Her voice became hollow and I was the one that in turn shivered at her menacing aura that powered over mine.

'I feel her soul.'

She lifted a daring finger at me while I tired my best to regain the upper hand of this dark conversation. However, Mai pushed on; at this she took a step into my room,

'I can feel her essence, the very quintessential factor that makes her so alive and real. The very thing that kept you from burning and the very thing that has been keeping you sane to this very day. She has something that no ordinary spiritual paper doll has.'

I bit my lip and I grinded my teeth together. Mai has turned out to much more aware about the situation than I could have ever imagined; and she was the girl that use to tease me playfully when I used to walk along the corridors with my charge, she has changed so much in both spiritual and rational aspects. Yet, I can still see the kind and concerned red-head behind those tired lavender eyes. She still cares for me, is that why she is like of that today?

'What have you brought upon yourself?'

'I have brought about nothing!'

I could barely contain my anger that has somehow sparked inside of me. Was it because I was afraid that now Mai knew what I have done, what was forbidden to be performed but has been done? I am actually afraid, afraid of what had happened in the past to happen in the present. I do not want history to repeat itself, not when I have been through so much.

'You're always running with your tail between your legs.' I narrowed my eyes at the comment Mai threw at me, and I scowled back,

'I have stopped running Mai.' I emphasized, 'A long time ago.'

'Not when Fujino-hime still walks around.'

'Shizuru is not Fujino-hime!'

I had yelled at Mai, with much fury and rage than I had forcibly made the contract's seal flash across my skin. It burned like a flame and it soon died off. It must have already crept up to my face at this point of time of this long contract, with Mai looking at me like that, I am very sure. I turned to hide my face as I watched the black seal that is only to appear at sunrise slowly fade into nothing as the colour of my pale skin comes back to life. My heavy breathing died off into something mellow and Mai's silence made things seem much more lifeless.

My presence itself makes the atmosphere feel so dead. What more can she do?

'Shizuru is not Fujino-hime.' I waved my hand to give her the hint that I wanted to be alone, 'She is not.'

'That's where you're wrong Natsuki.' Mai paused but short enough to not allow me to cut in, 'She will always be Fujino-hime.'

I shut my eyes tight and closed my mind to the words that Mai spoke,

'It's because she carries the very same essence,' I tensed at the drumming words, 'the essence that vanished so long ago.'

I clutched my chest and I could taste copper, swirling on my tongue. Mai continued heartlessly,

'Tell me,' I knew what Mai was doing was out of concern, but she has known enough for a day, 'Tell me Kuga Natsuki.'

I looked at the fiery red head that, now, stood in front of me. I felt as if I was lost, like a child in a dense forest and my eyes focussed onto the lips of Mai,

'What made you do all of this?'

* * *

**A/N:** Natsuki is running from something...Natsuki is afraid of her past, but what can she do when she is back on the grounds where everything had happened before? No worries, she will have peace from time to come. Another dialogue preview:

'What are you reading Shizuru?'

Then again,

Cheers!


	14. Ningyou 3

**A/N:** I am happy, for some reason I cannot state. Until the end then,  


* * *

'Kuga-sama.'

Her presence is something I cannot forget, even when I stand in the room that was previously inhabited by Fujino-hime. Now, this room of the princess, houses someone which has brought back my sanity. What has become of me? The hot summer heat, the blaze of sunlight runs into her room and I feel as if history is being repeated, like the years that have passed and has been brought back. Her voice echoes in her room and I feel a shiver despite the humid nature of summer.

'Yes, Shizuru?' I paused as I look over to my companion, her red eyes holding my frame, mixed with much confusion and concern. Her eyes remind me of the past that I have dread, but then, why did I even create her in the first place? It was just not a simple wish; it wasn't just something I couldn't just neglect. It was something much more. It was a shared emotion that we both had, that is why things are the way they are today.

However, was I being selfish?

'Is there anything wrong, Kuga-sama?

I move over to Shizuru silently as she moved over to tend to me as I shed my soiled yukata onto the ground. I am used to the contract's consequences, and I am fully aware of why my yukata is drenched with blood every morning. I am use to it, for I am the one that brought about it. The contract's seal, language of the ancient, burned my skin, leaving my arms marked with black. It has already started to trail up my neck; soon it will eat up my face. How long will it be until then?

Shizuru never questions me about this happening, if is as if she knows what is happening to me. She keeps silent every morning as she sees me drenched in fresh crimson liquid that flows from no source, no injury and no mark. It is as if she knows everything, when she is merely a spiritual paper doll. Shizuru keeps quiet, but her eyes tell the tale that she has been eager to tell me. I know her, as I had known her; her eyes always tell the tale.

I pulled the bounds across my chest free as I feel Shizuru's hand dance across my back, taking along the night's bandages away from my body. My eyes take hold onto her hands that go round my front to clear the pool of bandages and I reach out tentatively to hold her hand. It feels as soft as I can remember her to be.

'Kuga-sama?'

'Hold it here firmly.'

I put one end of the new roll of bandages in her hand and I move my own around my body to do up my bound. Her soft breathing beating against my neck reminds me of how I sleep with her, naked to the day that she was created. Why do I do so? Simply for the fact that I yearn to hold her, to protect her from my worries and to inevitably keep me sane.

It was a connection I couldn't neglect, yet it was a bound that is forbidden, something that I could feel was made wrongly.

Am I desperate to keep her with me? Until this living day?

Yet, who am I really keeping?

'Thank you Shizuru.'

I felt her hand move away from my chest and I pulled back up to adjust my bound so it was not as tightly bounded as I wanted it to be. My ears picked up the soft shuffling behind me and I was soon presented with a new set of clothes. She knows my colour too well than I had to her. A clean smoky blue coloured yukata was placed in front of me, folded along with a set of a light coloured pair of hakama pants. I watched her pull up from her kneel and I watch her graceful movements that become more obvious with the help of the colour of her yukata. The light colour of purple brings it out the most, that was what it use to be, and it still does.

'Shizuru.'

I hear her footsteps stop upon the matting and her soft acknowledgment answer back to me. She is still as elegant and graceful; why am I still comparing? Is it because I am within the spell of the past, or is it that I still cannot forget her. What Mai has said is correct, Fujino-hime still walks around and I am running with my tail between my legs. I am running from the past, I am running away from insanity, I am running from myself, I am running away from her…

I am running away from the truth.

However, it was a wish!

How can I neglect a wish from her!?

I noticed now that it is true, Fujino-hime still walks because what I have done. To eyes that have not seen what I have created still believes that Fujino-hime still walks. The very essence that made Fujino-hime who she is is within the Shizuru that I have so feelingly created. That is why I am still hiding, still running, still living in a lie. I cannot tear myself away from the fact that Fujino-hime is long dead.

That Shizuru is nothing but fabricated from a wish.

A wish that I had interpreted wrongly.

A wish…

* * *

'What are you reading Shizuru?'

I found her eyes locked onto an old book that looked so familiar, and I tightened my sash across my waist and move closer to her. Her aura is nothing compared to that once of Fujino-hime, of course she is not. Shizuru is nothing but a spiritual paper doll… she has no aura.

'A dairy I had found in the closet, Kuga-sama?'

A dairy? I use to write a diary when I was young and stopped when insanity robbed me of the last few hours of true light. I have no clue where my dairy had gone to when I left the Grand Shrine years ago. I do not recall bringing it along with me to Kyoto. I do not recall burning it; I do not recall anything of it. How dearly I want the past to be erased. It this not why I created Shizuru? No.

Shizuru is nothing but fabricated from a wish, she…

She…

I am running.

Mai, I am running.

I calmed myself and eased myself down next to Shizuru that had handed over to me the dairy that she had found in her room. The edges torn and tattered, the dairy thick and bounded with a strong string. A string that only paper doll makers had with them. Was this my father's dairy? No, my father never had a dairy; he never had the time to write. I flipped the pages quickly with my thumb and I watch the dust rise. How old is this diary, how long has this been kept in this room.

This room.

Is this Fujino-hime's dairy?

No, Fujino-hime never kept a dairy. She was…

I closed my mouth with a click and Shizuru noted my change in aura and mood as I felt her tense up a little beside me. My true scent that has been hidden under my lies has been broken, due to how much Shizuru and Fujino-hime are alike. Aren't they supposed to be? Yes they are.

I stopped my flipping and I opened to a page with a few lines written in ink that has partially turned brown due to the passing of time. Whose dairy is this? The hand writing seemed so familiar and I made out the words from the messy hand writing. I read the characters that ran downwards, starting from the right top hand corner. There was a month and a date but no era period. I guessed as much this person only relished in the two simply details. Yet, it seemed so familiar, so very familiar:

_XX month, XX date._

_Summer has come, and the heat has been pestering Mai. However, Mai, isn't she a baby of the summer? A person much like this season that is full of passion and vibrance? That aside. Father has been in his room for more than a day and I have not heard from him. I have finished painting the layout of the Grand Shrine, a map so detailed and neat that my father would be very proud of. It is after all a practice for me in order to do up fine and perfect lines when writing the texts and spells on paper dolls. I hope that my father will come out from his room soon and give me a new task._

_I had visited the room in the east wing, the lone room that sits at the edge of the residence area. It faces the mountains that looked upon that rest of Ise and the lush forest that resides upon it. The bamboo grows thick and grass tall to my knees. Why has not anyone tended to this place? Has Mai been forgetting to tend this area? I will have to tell her about this._

_However, what caught me to stay on longer was a figure that sat on the veranda and looked beyond what just my eyes saw. It was lady, a person that looked slightly older than me. More mature than I was and above all, elegant and graceful. Her hair was the colour of sand, the sand that I saw once on the shores of the far away Sendai bay. The colour of sand that had been wet with the waters of the sea._

_Her eyes._

_Her eyes were the colour of a sedated Amaterasu. It was as if there was no life._

_It was as if she was dead._

_Who exactly is she?

* * *

_**A/N: **Now Natsuki past will slowly be revealed, as the story progresses we will see more. This time, however, there is no dialogue preview, that I am sorry. If I give a preview so, it will be a dead give away to everyone that has been reading. Thank you for all the support, I hope all will continue to enjoy this story.

Then again,

Cheers!


	15. Ningyou 4

**A/N:** I am running on a very tight schedule, and I can only say that I am very happy for all those who are supporting me! **ALEXISSA:** Thank you for pointing that mistake out. Until the end,  
_

* * *

XX month, XX date._

_My father had told me that I was to keep…_

I closed the diary. The diary that I had once wrote inside. I have forced myself to forget about it, and it comes back to haunt me. It's frightening.

The night atmosphere was heavy; heavy like the sea, heavy like a waning moon. The long shrills of the crickets tore the silent atmosphere of the Grand Shrine of Ise and I found myself chucking my tools aside and opening my old diary that Shizuru had found in her room. Now she sleeps in my room, I cannot have her stay in Fujino-hime's room any longer. The more I stand in that room, the more I feel that I have brought back the forbidden, the more that I feel that I have placed a curse on the Shrine.

I am running.

I cannot run anymore, Mai.

I cannot run.

I fingered the slightly brown tattered edges of my diary and I turned slightly at the small shuffle of fabric near me. I had lit a candle on my table and my eyes settled on the warm glow that washed Shizuru's face on my bed matting. Her eyes were closed and she now faced me, in the direction of my low table, sleeping. The sheets covered her body from the slight chill tonight and her hair framed around her messily. It was messy but it was still…

No!

Is it really Shizuru I am praising or it is the image of Fujino-hime that has already been etched into my memory?

I am running away again, I cannot live in this lie any longer

It tears me.

Shizuru, Fujino-hime…

A wish…

What had happened to me? Mai…

Closing my eyes briefly, I held steady onto my haggard breathing and I smooth out the diary I pulled in front of me.

Under the candle light, I took one last look at my company and I bit my lip.

Today, I will stop…

Today.

* * *

_Eighth Month, XX date._

_Mai had told me that I was allowed to venture in the east wing of the Grand Shrine. She had told me that the display of the great sword Kusanagi is no more there, since it is now back on a pilgrimage to where it first came from. My father had told me to redo the layout of the east and south wing. The overview of the map of the Grand Shrine was already done in detail; however my father said that it wasn't good enough. Yet he assured me that I was progressing in my skills in drawing and writing. Mai, however, complains that my hand writing is like that of a pig._

_Bah, Mai is nothing but a priestess-in-learning; soon, I will have a power much higher than hers._

_I had done finish the east wing, now the south wing was the only one that was left to be re-done. I was excited to get it done; however, there was this feeling inside of me that I was not to venture there again. I had told Mai about the lady that lived in the lone room that sits at the edge of the residence area. It was weird that I had not noticed that room until then._

_Mai told me that she was just a guest that was staying in the Grand Shrine for a week or two. Not really someone to talk about, not someone big, just a traveller that was travelling through Kansai to reach South of the Rising Sun. Mai had further told me that the lady was the one that asked for the lone room, a room that was always kept unoccupied since it faced the thick bamboo and the tall grass that Mai was told not to weed._

_Even Mai found it weird that she needed not to take care of that place._

_It was orders from the high priest, she couldn't go against that._

_I still wonder who that lady is._

_That lady with eyes that carried the dull red colour of a sedated Amaterasu. Hair, colour of wet sand. Skin that looked so pale._

_Who is she?

* * *

_

_Eighth Month, XX date._

_Her name is something that I cannot erase from my mind. Her voice she haunting and alluring._

_She must be a fox demon, to be able to put me under such a wave of utterly light sensation. Her breath, I can still feel it beating against my skin, even when I am so far way from her quarters. I have not told my father about this, neither Mai nor Soichiro, the errand boy of the temple. I have not told the birds yet, for I am afraid that they would tell the world when they screech in the sky._

_It happened when I was planning out the rooms once again in a fresh sheet of paper, a new layout for the east wing. I had already done all the other rooms and corridors; the only thing left was the lone room that was situated weirdly off from the residence area. That was the last room. The room with her, the room with that lady._

_I had approached the room slowly and I was irked by the fact that the walls that neared the room were dirty, grey and dressed with cobwebs. Why, would such a lady live in such a room? I had tapped lightly on the shoji door, politely calling out for excuse. I was expecting a fine voice to call out, however I heard nothing. It was ghostly, and I was afraid then. I had actually thought of leaving this part out, but something in the back of my mind called out that I would enter this room in another way._

_My feet moved automatically to garden that faced the veranda of that lone room and when I reached there, I found my eyes settling onto the lady that sat there two days since I was last here. She looked as if she had sat there and not moved for night and day. It was as if she was a statue, like those that I see in the halls._

_I shifted slightly and when I had done that, I felt something strong hit me. My eyes met with the sedated colour of a red sun and I was drawn to it immediately. It was so rare to see something of that colour, within in it a glow or a spark that had flickered alive after so long. I had crossed the tall grass swiftly as if I was pulled to the lady like a puppet attached to a string. As I arrived before her, I was rendered to my knees._

_Wobbly I was._

_I had never seen anyone so beautiful._

_Her skin was the colour of a growing moon, unblemished and clean. Her hair, the colour of wet sand, like a waterfall. Her fringe short enough to reveal her red eyes to me. Her lips thin and pink, her face round yet somewhat sleek in a way. She looked so much like Geisha that my father used to have to come over to the house. I had thought at that moment that she was one._

_Her voice was what broke me out from my reverie._

_It was like of a nightingale, high, but not that high pitched. Pleasant to the ear, sweet and melodious and there was the rich accent of the south that made me sure that she was from either the capital of Kyoto or the mighty Osaka, all within the land of Kansai. She asked me,_

_'Ah? Am I being disturbed?'_

_I had broken down into a bow and I hastily replied,_

_'I am sorry for my disturbance.'_

_I had met her eyes again when I moved up and she looked a little bit more alive. I introduced myself as an apprentice of my father, a paper doll maker, and that I was making a layout of south wing of the Grand Shrine. Hoping that she would allow me to take down the points of the room to complete the map. She looked at me for a while and in those seconds, I felt as if I was being stripped down. Finally after that scrutinising gaze, I watched her lips part and she said lightly,_

_'I am Shizuru, Fujino Shizuru.'_

_Fujino Shizuru._

_Fujino Shizuru._

_Fujino Shizuru._

_My mind is now in a haze._

_The south wing layout is done, but somehow it just doesn't feel right. My hand itches._

_Who is she, this endearing beauty known as Fujino Shizuru?_

_Shizuru...

* * *

_**A/N:** There won't be a preview again, that I am quite sorry. I won't be updating quite frequently like before because of my new very hectic school term, but I will do my best to update. I really thank all for those who review, read and support this story!

Then again,

Cheers!


	16. Ningyou 5

**A/N:** I'm an irresponsible author, aren't I? Well, here it is, Ningyou 5. **zenshiki09:** You're wild guess is very appealing to answer, but let's just say that I hate to spoil the story to come. **To all:** I hope you can get an insight on who Fujino Shizuru is. After all, Natsuki needs to tell her story. Until the end,

* * *

Eight month, XX date.

My father had left his quarters for a few days and had told me this time to practice my writing. It was to be neat and delicate, like the Kanda River that flows through Edo. It was to be strong and firm like the cedar trees in Iwate. My father was to be gone for four days, and it was only the second day of his travel away from the shrine. He did not tell me what he was doing or where he was going. All he told me was to not do anything brash like I always do when he did not have an eye on me.

Mai had told me that I was free to roam the shrine, since there was nothing happening in the shrine this week. I had moved to room to room to find that certain place in the shrine that breathed the same as I did. The room that welcomed my presence like how my father's quarters in the shrine residential wing welcomed his dark works of a paper doll maker.

Mai told me countless of times that I was just being picky, and I just shot back, saying that I needed such a necessity. However somewhere at the back of my head, I knew I was yearning to go back to that room. The room that sits at the edge of the south wing. That room where she sits in.

Where Fujino Shizuru stays.

Shizuru…

I must be delirious; to be thinking about a lady far older than me, a lady seemed to be gift given from the gods of heaven. Her red eyes like a part of the great Amaterasu. Her skin like the pale Tsukiyomi of the night sky, her presence strong and tugging like winds from Susanoo's bag. She was like heaven itself.

I must be losing my sanity.

I have been writing her name over and over again on my papers. Again and again, like a chant, like a sutra to ease my infatuation that I was having. I have no idea why such a feeling had overcome me. This feeling of wanting to know her, to feel her, to touch her. I am like a puppet with no strings, just hoping that she would come along and pick me up, bring me to life and tell me secrets that I do not know.

Heavens!

What on earth I am thinking.

Yet, this feeling within my chests beats like a drum.

Strong like the ones heard during Tanabata.

* * *

Eight month, XX date.

I had asked Mai about the lady I had met at the south wing. However, all Mai did was to give me a strange look and she didn't talk to me throughout the day.

Have I found out something that I was not to?

Yet, I attracted to this endearing lady named Fujino Shizuru.

Shizuru.

* * *

Eight month, XX date.

Father came back today and to my surprise, he brought along a parade of horsemen bearing the imperial seal of the emperor. However, I realised that the emperor himself was not here, there was not palanquin when I greeted my father at the base of the shrine upon his return. Soichiro did not mention anything about a palanquin and I couldn't find Mai the whole day.

I had showed my father the work he had me to do but he excused himself straight to his quarters and did not come out until dinner was served in the main hall. I was bored throughout the day; I had nothing to do but to walked around the shrine, in hope to find Mai. I had gone down the stone steps to talk to Soichiro and I then realised he had answers to my questions.

Why had I not talked to the birds and told them my story?

In fear the world would know?

Yet, what is there to fear when I can lie?

A lie?

Is that good enough to cover my true feelings?

I had asked Soichiro about whether anyone had stayed in the shrine before my father and I moved into the shrine's residence. He's black obsidian eyes merely flickered towards me and looked at the far end of the bamboo forest that grew on the plateau the shrine was built on. He chuckled after a moment of silence, breaking me out of my reverie,

'Tokiha-sama says that she's a princess.'

My ears perked up and I stayed my hands on folding a paper box. Soichiro continued,

'Yet, I say that she's a goddess.'

I wanted to laugh when I saw him hit his chest and place his hands onto his hips; however I swallowed my laughter and looked on at the paper box in my hands since I thought too that she was equal to be considered a goddess.

'Well, she's a gift.'

'A gift?'

I answered faster than I thought I would and Soichiro grinned at me. He pointed at the paper box that I was in the midst of folding and replied,

'She's said to be like a precious treasure. A jewel to the emperor.'

I raised my eyebrows and kicked my feet on the ground, making the dust from the ground rise at my feet. Soichiro looked to the clear blue summer sky and blew at his bangs,

'Yes, Kuga-sama, a gift from her father to the emperor. She's a treasure to the Fujino clan, everyone rumours that she brings wealth wherever she goes.'

I looked at the paper box I folded subconsciously while listening to Soichiro. I heard him take in a breath,

'She's still up there in her quarters.'

I jerked my head to look at him and he passed me a weak smile,

'Tokiha-sama doesn't tell me anything about her nowadays, but I know that she's still up there.'

I watched him fiddle with his the loose strings of his cotton shirt.

'I hope that those imperial men that have come today are here to take her to Edo.'

I held a breath and Soichiro bounce up from his seat on the stray log and walked over to the stables. I had wanted to ask him another question, but it escaped my mind that I ended asking him something else,

'Why is she here, in the Ise shrine? Shouldn't she have just been sent straight to the imperial castle in Edo?'

Soichiro stopped stroking the muzzle of a pale brown horse and a cheeky grin slid over his features,

'She's a precious treasure, Kuga-sama. Anyone would want to get their hands on her.'

He paused and gestured to the paper box in my hands,

'The Ise shrine is a place that gives protection.'

Like a treasure box.

* * *

**A/N:** A big thank you to all those reading, reviewing and putting this story under alert of favourite, it really keeps me going. Then again, there won't be a preview for this chapter, or esle I will really let out a big spoiler; terribly sorry for that!

*****The poll for 'Your most favourite Mai-Hime oneshot' is still open; if you want to see your favourite Mai-hime one-shot get out ontop, just vote! If one doesn't have an account, just head down to my homepage and pop in a quick note on which is your favourite story.

Then again,

Cheers!


	17. Ningyou 6

**A/N**: For everyone that wanted a longer chapter from this story. Then again, until the end:

* * *

Eight month, XX date.

In my days of living in the Grand Shrine of Ise, I had not seen so many stars in the sky, or have them decorate the midnight vastness like a silver river that gleams for the moon. Soichiro had told me in the morning when I had return from my morning walk with my father that in not more than a week's time, the Tanabata festival, the celebration of the Weaver will be held along the town to the shrine.

It was held in the seventh month last year and he had emphasized how grand and spectacular it was then. He had told me that maybe; the emperor would be coming down to celebrate the festival with his men and ladies. Before I had to leave to go to my father's side I was sure I had heard Soichiro assure himself that the princess in her solemn quarters will reveal her face once again.

The princess.

Not just a traveller…

The lady that sits in the room, in the far end of the south wing.

Fujino Shizuru.

Shizuru.

I still can't help but bring myself to stand at the edge of the obscure broken fence that I found leading to the back garden of her room. It was hidden by the tall grass that Mai is told not tend to and I managed somehow to stumble over when I brushed my way to just to try to steal a glance at her alluring features; to cure me of my insanity and passion for her.

She can't see me from where I stand. Yes, she can't and that I am glad. She would be sitting on the veranda like always, like a statue made of stone, for the irony of nature's beauty and her own magnificence; that exist to lure me like a fish rod without its bait.

* * *

Eight month, XX date.

I had found Mai. Finally.

I had found her when I had gained permission from my father to head down to town's local store to order a few stacks of thin paper and a few brand new ink sticks. Her head of orange hair could hardly go unnoticed when I crossed the bridge that led me to the town square. I had ran up to her, to find her looking her weary and drained. Her normal cheerful and vibrant attitude was drained from her body and the colour of her skin, pale like the moon.

I had hoped she was not unwell. Luckily, Mai had assured me that she was just very tired from running around town, setting and organising the preparations for the up and coming Tanabata festival that would be held on the coming day of the sun, which was only two more days away. She had casually told me not to try out anything funny since I had to the habit to pull out a stunt and become act brash like my father had always described me to be.

I do not know why Mai had told me such a thing, but I take it to heart. She is after all, a good friend…even though she had lied to me.

During lunch, from the day my father brought back the parade of imperial men, I had been sitting at the main hall with more than a hundred men all around, some huddled in groups and eating heartily. They would wear their usual attire, consisting of a dark coloured yukata and along with leggings that looked too big for their thighs and sometimes an armour breast plate that clammed firmly on their chest. All embroidered with the imperial crest.

The imperial crest of the emperor was something I could not ignore. There had been travellers coming from noble ranks, but I had not taken any notice of them, seemingly because I had myself wondering that this was the only way I secretly knew that I would be able to see Shizuru.

The treasure of the Ise Shrine.

So much like the great sword, Kusanagi.

They would mind their business, and I would with mine and my father's. We sat in the far corner, out from sight. However, sometimes I would feel a strange feeling settle in my body, a bizarre feeling that everyone had their eyes on me, their sharp blades at my neck and ready to take the next step towards execution.

Was this all because I am too paranoid that these men will take away Shizuru from her quarters…

Then again, are they really here for her?

My father says nothing.

* * *

Eighth month, XX date.

My hand writing was strong enough to get my father to move me onto cutting paper. I had never been so happy, I have waited so long to just hold the paper cutter and slice down the fibres that held such a fragile item and tool together as one. In the morning, I was told to practice the movement and from lunch onwards, he thought me something new.

My father had moved me on to cutting the shapes of simple paper seals and writing simple fluid words of binding spells onto them. Dinner came faster than I thought it would and I seemingly forgot to collect the portion of my meal from the kitchen. I had been so engrossed on practice that I had barely taken notice that it had turned dark so long ago and that I had been writing under the dim light coming from the night sky.

I thank those stars of the Amanogawa.

I went to the kitchen to take my food, to find that there was an extra set beside my settings. I had asked the shrine cook whose it belonged to, hoping that it was my father that had not eaten. However, I received a curt answer that Mai was to take it away like all nights, nothing more, nothing less; I was of no concern. I was confused and made no notion of asking why Mai ate two portions when she could hardly finish her own.

I had finished my meal swiftly in the main hall and returned with the tray, to find the extra setting still sitting on top of the stone table, cold. One of the shrine helpers looked over to me to where I stood beside the rinse bucket, and called over to me,

'Kuga-sama.'

I nodded.

'Can you do Tokiha-sama a favour?'

I had stopped my rinse and settled the bucket down onto the crate beside the stove.

'Please, could you give take that food tray to the south wing,' he paused after motioning to the extra set and gestured outside through the small window, 'To the room that sits right at the end.'

Shizuru?

I felt clammy all of a sudden, upon hearing what he had asked of me on behalf of Mai, I felt like a weakling. Trembling slightly, I wiped my wet hands on my hakama and forced a smile,

'To whom am I taking it to?'

Inside my head, only one person's name screamed and I only trembled more. The shrine helper smiled meekly and scratched the back of his neck,

'To someone that has stayed here for a very long time,' he got up from his sit on the wooden stool, 'as what I was told when I first asked.'

I gulped and took a step back, unsure of whether it was really a good idea doing this especially when my heart drummed like thunder at the mere mention of anything that spoke about the presence of that alluring beauty. I saw a flash of guilt flash across his eyes and I watched him bow humbly,

'I am sorry to ask so much of you, Kuga-sama.'

I brought my hands to the back, to keep my violently trembling hands from his sight; how nervous I was.

'The high priest had told us, no one except for Tokiha-sama is allowed into that room but…'

My feet itched to moved, but somehow I was rooted to the ground like those pillars that kept the shrine upright. No one was allowed in that room… I had been inside, to weave through the unattended garden to get to her to clear my disturbance, to map her room with precision and to fall for her beauty. It is why Mai had gone silent the moment I had mentioned this lady? Is that why she had lied to me…?

Only Mai was allowed inside that room. Shizuru's room.

Yet, why only her?

'I am not Tokiha.'

'My apologies, Kuga-sama. I only want the best for that person; Tokiha-sama usually takes the food there and comes back an hour later with a clean tray…'

My knees weaken slightly and I willed myself not to eagerly move forward and agree; I needed to know more about Fujino Shizuru, even if it meant learning about her eating habits.

'However, Tokiha-sama has not yet returned from town and it has been long past the usual time Tokiha-sama takes the food away.'

'I will take Mai's place, only for today.'

He looked at me with happiness and double backed down,

'Thank you Kuga-sama.'

I moved shakily to the stone table and lifted the food tray. My fingers went numb and I realised that I was breathing heavily through my nose.

'I will inform Tokiha-sama of your kindness.'

'No, do not tell her.'

He looked up with widened eyes.

I passed him a brief smile, quickly pulling away from the kitchen. Mai does not need to know. I am nothing but a shadow for today, today, tonight; I wanted my desire to run free, to go unnoticed and untaken. I wanted Shizuru to notice me this time.

That was all.

I had moved quickly down the hall, across the courtyard from the north wing and swiftly shuffled down the corridors. I passed some imperial men that paid no attention to me when I slid across the wooden boards. From where I walked further nearer to the far end of the south wing, I could hear the cry of the night crickets, rubbing their legs, long and slowly. It was so eerie.

My breathing was still heavy and my hands were sweaty. This emotion that was welling inside of me was too strong for me to handle that I acted out like a fool upon the arrival of the door that I had done weeks ago when I was mapping out the shrine.

There was no answer the first time I gave a slight knock on the bamboo screen and I hesitated. However the moment I took a step back, I heard her voice. Her voice of a fine nightingale along with the rich south accent echoed in my ears and I barely took notice that she was calling out Mai's name in concern.

An expression I have not heard from her, since she looked so lifeless sitting on the veranda.

My blood was racing and my heart beating with mad passion. I reached out wanting to tug and slide the shoji door open, but my hand stayed, holding firmly on her food tray. I am not Mai.

'Tokiha has not returned from town.'

My voice sounded rough and I wondered why I had spoken aloud. I heard nothing but silence on the other side and I controlled my desire to slide the door open and meet up with her at such a close proximity. I could feel her strong presence just beyond the door, the bamboo screen robbing me of her beauty. I continued,

'I have brought your dinner.'

The dead silence was holding my breath in and I exhaled out in control when the night crickets rubbed their legs once again in the darkness. The shrill cry of the insects brought my racing heart down from its adrenaline rush, but the desire to see her was still being fuelled by the silence she was giving me. It was maddening. Eventually, I kneeled down and placed the food tray in front of her door and bowed, though knowing that she couldn't see my gesture.

'I will come back in an hour to clear your tray.'

My legs swiftly took me away from her door and to the main hall where I waited. My heart was still beating wildly. I kept watch on the entrance to the shrine of any sign of Mai but it seemed that she wasn't coming back anytime soon; the road to the town was still brightly lit and I could see the men working their way to fix these small wooden stands up.

Mai was still there…

I moved over to check the candle that melted away since morning; an hour had flown by so quickly that it made my heart pump even faster at every step I took back to the south wing. I had stopped by my father's room on the way to ask him whether I needed to do anything, but I realised that his lights were out; seemingly meaning that he didn't want to be disturbed.

I was afraid to go back, I had not a clue on why I was thinking as such, but I knew there was fear growing in my body. Was it simply because I was terrified that my desire to befriend her and love her would become my downfall. Yet, there is no such thing…love cannot be a downfall, my father still loves my mother even how far she is from us, and my father strives to become more powerful each day.

I stopped outside her room and found that the food had been mostly cleared from the tray. At least she had taken a bite; at least she is healthy. I lowered myself to pick up the tray and when I moved back up, I found those red eyes looking from beside the door following my actions. I looked away quickly, lowering my head. Under her gaze, I felt as if I was being stripped once again, and it was tearing me apart.

I kept my head down and bowed to her, before taking a swift turn to walk away. Yet before I took another step further away, her voice, soft, called my name.

My name.

'Natsuki.'

My eyes moved back and I glance around quickly to find that she looked more alive than she was sitting on the veranda. I bowed to her once again, in vain to steady my heart, pulling my eyes away from those hypnotising red. I was getting delirious every second I was spending standing so near to her. However, once again, before I could turn and take off to hide my heavy breathing, her sudden clear voice sliced the silence,

'Come again. Tomorrow.'

I gulped under the safety of the crickets' cry and silence tugged at the both of us. I pursed my lips, afraid that if I answered or said anything, I would be walking further into madness. I brought my body back and took a step forward before I realised I was walking away steadily. Then again, I was sure I heard her voice, cutting the silence, begging me,

'Please.'

Please?

I'll do anything.

* * *


	18. Ningyou 7

**A/N**: Refer to chapter 12 again if you want to before reading this chapter. Then again, until the end:

* * *

Eight month, XX date.

My father had told me to leave him alone and Soichiro had been forced to stay in the stable to clean the horses that will ride off to town tomorrow morning, which meant all the horses of the imperial men. Someone was coming to town tomorrow and I had a gut feeling that the emperor was coming. Was he really coming? Mai did not return until late morning, her eyes were dark and her body showing signs that she was ready to collapse any moment. She retired to her room once she had gotten back and I didn't see her until dinner in the main hall.

I spent my morning in my room practising my binding spells and I realised that I was able to make a paper crane fly for a few minutes before tearing into small pieces of paper, flaking off during flight. Lunch came quicker than usual and I was unnerved by the looks that the imperial men were throwing at me. I sat like always at the far corner of the main hall, eating in silence. However seemingly, without my father at my side, they paid attention to me and I was intimidated by the stares their harsh eyes would give me.

I ate my lunch much quicker than usual and made my way to the kitchen to put away my tray, to find that the kitchen helper that asked for my help yesterday was looking oddly at me. There was another setting on the table and I merely glanced at it, knowing that it was probably my father's. Yet, before I could leave the kitchen, his voice called out to me,

'Kuga-sama.'

I looked over my shoulder and I watched him wipe his hands on a cloth on his shoulder,

'The high priest has a request for you.'

I turned at the doorway and gave him an odd look,

'A request?'

'Yes, a request for you, Kuga-sama.'

He motioned me to the stone table and the food setting on top, still fresh and rice piping hot. I gave it a long look and looked back up at him. He kept his eyes on me and through his gaze, I felt uncomfortable. He knew something that I don't, and I didn't like it.

'The high priest wants you to take that to the room in the far end of the south wing.'

I stiffened and stared long at him, I feared that my voice would betray my emotions since I was already planning to find out a way to get to Shizuru. I didn't know that an opportunity will come at the perfect timing. It didn't feel right, since it was so coincidental…what about Mai?

Why me?

He bowed lowly to me and I could only step down back into the kitchen and approach the table where the food tray sat waiting my eager hands. I was trembling and when I reached the table, I was stuttering,

'Why me? Why not Mai?'

'Tokiha-sama?'

I nodded uncertainly and he gave me an uncomfortable look,

'I'm afraid I don't know the answer to that question.' He eyed me when I picked up the tray, 'All I know is that the high priest wants you to take that to the room.'

I kept quiet when I walked back towards the door of the kitchen, food tray in my hands. As I was ready to take the last step out into the corridor, his voice rang out behind me,

'Your name was mentioned, Kuga-sama.'

I flinched when he continued,

'That is all I know.'

She wants me.

My legs carried me faster than I thought they could to her room and I was breathing rapidly when I arrived at her door. The crickets could be heard loudly like the night before and I could see in the afternoon sun her silhouette through the thin oil paper of the shoji doors. Her figure standing behind the door, waiting for my arrival. I was sure she could not see my shadow, since the sunlight was coming from behind her. Yet she seemingly caught onto my presence since she called out my name when I was only just down the corridor,

'Natsuki?'

My chest was at bursting point and I could barely contain the delight I was experiencing. I reached her door and placed the food tray outside, swiftly standing up, hoping that I would be able to get away before she came out. I was already in euphoria when she had called my name, anymore than that would make me go delirious.

I was already deliriously in love.

However, before I could stand up properly, my eyes met with those red eyes and I barely registered that my hand was engulfed by something soft, yet firm. It was not a second later did I find myself locked under her hypnotising gaze, my face inches away from her lips. I realised that I had kicked the tray and the miso soup which was on the side had spilled onto my feet, making me cringe at the scalding hotness; so much like when the fire that burned with passion for her.

This was reality.

Her gaze instantly shifted when she saw my expression change and she stepped back immediately,

'I'm sorry. I didn't mean that to happen.'

Her voice, so rich and sweet was being said right into my ears and I stiffened. I moved to step back further but then I realised that her hand was holding mine. My voice was not working and I could only look at her in surprise.

'Stay.'

I gulped and she continued without any hesitation,

'Stay, and accompany me.'

I could only nod and follow her in. She pulled me in effortlessly and I stepped into her room to be greeted by the scent of irises. She left my side and moved to the door, I heard the clatter of the tray and watched her reappear in front of me again. She moved like a ghost over to the veranda, so quietly that I could hear nothing; none of her footsteps, not even her breathing.

My eyes trained on her could only watch her elegant movements when she set down the tray and sit down in a seiza fashion. She turned to look at me at that moment and I froze like a statue. I figured that if I would just stand where I was, I wouldn't be brought down to the lowest form, where I would literally fall to the floor and please her like there was no tomorrow.

However, she wanted me closer to her than I ever imagined I would go. She raised her hand and gestured to the space beside her,

'Come Natsuki.'

I clenched my teeth and I unclenched them when my feet moved on their own. I was spell bounded by her and I had the notion that if I were to do something else, everything here would break. I moved over to sit uneasily beside her and I was given a smile that made my stomach flip. My cheek was burning and I could only watch her hands come up to say a small prayer before starting on her food.

She took small bites, chewed well before swallowing and I was seemingly following this cycle. She stole glances at me when she ate and I found it hard not to control my breathing. The proximity was so close and I was sure it was more than I wanted. I took my eyes off her when she drank her soup, and I used that moment to scan her room.

It was a huge room, much the same when I had seen when I came in here before to map out the area of the shrine. However, now I realised how different it was from the other rooms. She had a huge space in front of her room entrance and a small partition that I realised was her changing area. Her bed matting was neatly folded and placed on one side. There was a small set of drawers on the side and I noticed a mirror and its casing sitting on top of a low table. There was a small book and I took note that maybe she wrote down things like what I do.

A diary.

'It's spacious isn't?'

I was pulled back to look at her, but I noticed that she was looking at the room like I was. Her smile had grown thin and I looked back at the room; it was spacious and lifeless…

She was lonely.

Then again, why doesn't she ever leave her room?

'Tokiha-sama finds it just right.'

I turned back instantly and she had looked pass me to look at the overgrown courtyard that Mai is told not to tend, her voice soft but loud enough for me to hear,

'I've never lived in such empty rooms before.'

She turned to look at me, her face pale,

'I find it empty and lifeless.'

Tokiha-sama? Mai has a room big as this? She always tells me she lives in a room much like Soichiro's stable stall. I shook my head and it had caught her attention,

'Natsuki is an apprentice, isn't she?'

I looked up and she looked at me questioningly. I nodded and her face was brought to life,

'Show me something. Anything!'

I was taken aback by her vivacity and I scratched my chin in awkwardness. My eyes scanned her room, hoping that she had paper with her, I had forgotten to bring a piece along like what my father does. Her eyes caught mine and she looked to where my eyes had landed,

'Do you need something?'

'Paper.'

She gave me a weird look and I was forced not to smile,

'Paper…' I avoided her gaze and stuttered, 'is all I need.'

The next thing I knew was that she had gotten up and tugged me gently over to her low table. I followed quietly and found that she had tore a page from within her book and passed it over to me. She passed me another smile and I took the page from her grasp lightly. I started folding it and she looked from beside me, watching in interest in what I was doing. A few seconds passed and I had folded it neatly into a flower, a flower that my father said was from the capital, something that my mother had loved.

She gasp at the sight that I had formed and I was surprised that she did not know origami. I smiled meekly, and moved over to her brush that was luckily still partially wet. I had done this many times, seemingly because it was the first thing that my father had shown to me when I was small. He told me that he used it to impress mother and I wondered briefly if I could do the same to Shizuru.

I wrote a simply spell on the palm of my hand and I placed the flower on top of it. I looked to the side of me and moved my palm in front of her,

'Don't take your eyes off it.'

She nodded curtly and I closed my fingers on it, tight. She jumped in her seat and I focussed on the task I was to perform. I felt a surge within me and my hands tinged with slight pain before flowing to the end of fingers and dissipating before I could take notice that it was throbbing. A wave of coldness washed over me and I opened my palm to reveal what I had done.

'It's beautiful.'

Her hands reached out slowly, as if the paper flower in my hand was fragile like glass and touched it softly. She breathed in amazement,

'How did you do it?'

I lifted it up and slid it into her hands, the paper flower once the colour of fading yellow now the vibrant colour of red, like how her eyes had regained their life and strength.

She stared at it and then turned to me, a smile gracing her features,

'It's really beautiful, Natsuki.'

I lowered my head and raised it up to find her hand gliding over to hold mine,

'I wish you could have come earlier into my life.' I felt my eyes widen, her grip tightening,

'You bring life to things that seemingly aren't alive.'

I heard my father's first words ring in my head, those words which he told me when we arrived in the Grand Shrine of Ise. I couldn't help myself and I blurted out,

'You are of much more worth.'

She looked at me in confusion and I dared to caress her hand around mine, my voice seemed to have found back its strength,

'Nothing.'

I pulled my hand away and I could feel the burn of desire around the back of my hand. She looked at me and eased her hand to the paper flower in her other hand. She traced a petal and smiled,

'You are indeed something, Natsuki.'

Silence engulfed us and I could only find myself sitting by her side as she continued to look at the flower. She had took out a pile of clean paper from her drawer and told me that I was free to do what I wanted with it, she on the other hand watched me silently. The time slowly passed as I sat quietly at the low table; folding small animals I could remember from what my father had showed me when I was young. I folded a dog, two frogs and lastly five small cranes.

'Could you teach me?'

I looked up at her and she led my eyes to the origami I had folded. She pointed over to a crane and fingered its wings,

'I see the heron in the courtyard in spring and it leaves always before summer.'

Her hand slipped into mine and she stared at the frogs that were beside the crane and placed a finger on the end of the body, pressing it to make each of them jump up,

'I can hear the frogs croak in autumn, and nothing in winter.'

I realised that she was leaning to me and tightening her grip on my hand. I seemed to have gotten use to the drumming of my heart that I no longer felt any different; it was as if the desire to lust for her had died suddenly. She had pressed her face against my shoulder and breathed down onto my chest,

'I've never heard a dog bark since I left home.'

I lowered down my hand that had wanted to touch her back; it was not acceptable to take advantage of her feelings. My free hand reached over to take the paper dog I had folded and held it in front of her face,

'I can make it bark.'

For her, I'll do anything even though how uncertain I was with what I could do with paper now, my father had barely taught me the next level of spells. Nonetheless, I knew I could do it…anything for her.

She looked at me in bewilderment and I took my hand out of her grasp. I moved to quickly unfold the dog, grabbed the brush and swiftly wrote down the spell. I folded it back after the ink had dried and placed it on my palm like before. I looked at her and she met my eyes with question. I reached over to take one of her hands and placed it down flat on the paper dog. There was the crunch of the paper and she had wanted to move her hand off immediately, yet I had placed my other hand on top hers quickly before she could. I stared into her dark eyes once again and asked of her,

'I want you to recall what the barks use to sound like when you at home.'

She looked at me and I pleaded her,

'Anything. Whatever you can remember about how they use to sound like.'

Her eyes were looking at me in disbelief and I closed my eyes. My fingers burned like before and I struggled not to whimper; it travelled to my fingers and died off immediately when my ears picked up a soft sound.

Barking.

Soft distant barking.

I had never seen her smile so brightly and I had never felt a body as soft as she held tight onto me. She held me like I was something precious to her, something worth seeing, worth holding, worth having… She wanted me.

When I was preparing to leave her room with her food tray, she had caught me by the hand again and pulled me up close, smiling,

'Thank you for today.'

I bowed lowly and pulled back up once again. Her hands reluctantly left mine and she stood by her door,

'Come again. Tomorrow.'

As usual, I wasn't expecting something like that from her. Once again, she had surprised me. I was ready to nod in silence to agree to her request but I stopped when she continued,

'Tomorrow. Tomorrow night.'

I left in silence and until now, her words have been like a chant in my head. A bell that was being rung again and again. The later part of the afternoon was nothing but me and the water in the small stream near the shrine. My hands were red from doing something higher than what I was allowed to do…but then, if it was all for her, I would do anything.

The water was cooling enough and dinner came with ease. My father joined me and the imperial men seemed to have not noticed me again. Mai was chatting among with the helpers of the shrine and I noticed that she had left the main hall earlier than she usually would have. Her departure from the main hall screamed Shizuru and I could only wait for tomorrow night.

Tomorrow was Tanabata.

Tanabata Festival.

It seemingly could not be.

Now my heart is beating, loudly than it could ever be.

* * *

**A/N**: The second arc is coming to an end soon, will Natsuki be able to pull through from her past? This being the longest chapter thus far, I hope it has satisfied one's yearning. A dialogue preview for the next chapter:

'Are you alright, Kuga-sama?'

Then again,

Cheers!


	19. Ningyou 8

**A/N**: From the diary to present time.

* * *

'Kuga-sama?'

I opened my eyes almost immediately, jerking myself from the past I had buried myself into.

I've stopped reading. Stopped.

My vision blurred and my eyes took longer than usual to pick up the colours and lighting of my room. My nose could pick up the salty smell of my perspiration mixed the thick heavy foul stench of blood; I tilted my head slightly to find that my yukata is drenched with blood. The usual, but somehow, I realised that it was more than usual.

Why did I stop reading?

'Kuga-sama?'

I turned my head instantly and Shizuru's eyes found mine out faster than I could in the dark. The candle wax had waned down to less than an inch and it was flickering madly in the stand; it was still night, and I could still hear the long shrills of the crickets.

How long have I been reading…?

'Are you alright, Kuga-sama?'

Why did I stop!?

My mouth was trembling, I did not know why. My throat was parched and I was yearning was water. My hands around my diary were firm and my fingers tearing at the corners. All I could feel was the hot atmosphere of the summer; it was the seventh month, summer as it always has been. Not the eigth, not the eigth. I soon noticed that my body was shaking and I found myself breathing rather rapidly.

Shizuru was up from her slumber and I could see the traces of fatigue under her eyes, but her expression and features screamed out in concern; so much alike, so much. Her hair the same colour of the wet sand from the Sendai bay, her eyes like the sedated colour of Amaterasu, and her voice rich with the accent of the south and the song of a nightingale. She is so much alike and so much different.

Fujino Shizuru…

Shizuru.

I shuddered violently, only to make Shizuru who had come up close beside me stiffen; her hands pulling together the night jacket that had slid down her shoulder could only tighten. Her breath shallow like the dying and her pale face torn with worry. So much alike, so much…

Fujino Shizuru.

No!

No!

My eyes widened and my breathing stopped for a brief moment.

I am running.

Still running!

I am running Mai and I cannot stop.

How can I when my hands know what I have done to live in a lie, fabricated to make everything seem so right for me? Mai was right; I could sense the very essence of her living within Shizuru, the quintessential factor that makes her more alive and real than any other paper doll that I have created. The very thing that I am very aware of, the very thing that makes me strive for another day. Another day that I will share with her, another day I will share with…

Fujino-hime.

Fujino.

She is dead.

'Kuga-sa-'

Everything turned into a flurry of darkness.

My hands reached over to grasp and pull hard onto Shizuru's face, the softness of her cheek flesh turning rigid under my grasp. My arm was exposed to the hot air of my room and I could see the ancient language flashing darkly on my skin, dancing in awful glee. It burned like how when I first got it growing on my body. The blood of the contract flows like a fountain and I felt weak and unsteady, but seemingly my grip on Shizuru's face was firm and undying.

My skin prickled and I was unnerved by the fact that I could no longer feel the roughness that edged my fingers but only the soft flesh of Shizuru…of Fujino-hime.

Of Fujino Shizuru.

The person I live for, the person I would please, the person that will do anything for. The only one that keeps me sane.

The person that seals my inner demons.

She is alive, right in front of me!

How can she be dead!

My eyes clicked onto crimson faster than I could have imagined and I found myself looking into the face of fear. Her dark eyes laced with fear, with horror, with…

What am I doing!?

I snapped my hand back, letting go of Shizuru's face. I could hear her ragged breathing and a few harsh cough, to find my hand trembling on its own. What happened to me!?

What happened to me!?

'Ku-'

'Call for Mai.'

I daren't look at Shizuru, fearing that the moment I set sight onto her, my mind will revel in life I have once lived in and died in. I cannot not allow that to happen. I have to stop running, I have to!

Mai. I have to stop.

My ears could only pick up silence and I could feel Shizuru from beside me, shivering. I cannot have her here, not when I'm like this!

Not when I have not finished reading.

'Call for Mai, Shizuru!'

'Kuga-sa-'

'Go Shizuru, and return only when Mai is with you!'

'But-'

'Leave!'

My body is trembling and my eyes could only focus on her shadow that hesitated to leave my side. The blood that trickled from my arms seeped into the flooring and I watched silently as the shoji doors clicked shut after her departure. I cannot have her here, not now.

Not when I'm still running and living in a lie.

No.

Not when Fujino Shizuru still lives within me.

* * *

**A/N**: The second arc is coming to an end, what will the third arc within Ise Shrine have to offer?

Then again,

Cheers!


	20. Ningyou 9

Mai barely looked at me when she entered the room. The temple bell had tolled the signal of the hour of the tiger and the shrills of the crickets had died down into a mellow tune of soft chriping. The sun had not come up and yet the anciet language on my arms which flashed on my skin previously was still burning on my skin. It was darkening fiercly and it stung at through every second that ticked by. The red blood of the contract was like a waterfall, flowing from my body like a never ending river. The cushion underneath me was already soaked red and it had seeped onto the bamboo flooring beneath.

I could see the lines of my bones, prominent on my fingers, and I felt breathless.

I felt sick.

I felt dead.

The arrival of Mai in my quarters was silent and she came with an aura so dead and solemn that I barely picked up her presence that was usually fiery like Amaterasu. I only realised she had arrived when my skin stung with needles and my bones of my fingers aching in extreme pain; Shizuru came in behind her, her footsteps clear on the floor. Shizuru was here, she was here. My life was here. My teeth was clenched and my body shivered uncontrablly when the bamboo door shut closed with a firm click.

I could barely lift my head up and I noticed that I could no longer feel my face, my senses were dying suddenly and I realised that I wasn't becoming any frightened or scared as I thought I was to be. Shizuru's presence was great, the flicker of life within her, the thing that made her alive was making me more and more delirious. My vision blurred and I noticed only a second later that Shizuru had arrived by my side.

'Kuga-sama!'

Her soft hands touched my fore arm and I trembled violently. I jerked my head up and looked into her eyes, her eyes so like the red of the sedated goddess of the sun, so much alike, so much alike. I watched her gasp and my eyes burned in an instant. My ears picked up fast footsteps and I felt my head get titled up and my body pushed forcefully to the ground.

'Natsuki!'

Mai voice echoed in my head and my arms were moving like snakes by the side of my body. My hand looked as if it was being twisted apart and the blood that poured off my body only turned black. My head was throbbing and I figured through my thrashing that my body was acting on it's own accord, my mind was dead. I was not thinking, I was...

'Natsuki!'

My eyes shifted over and over again, and I caught sight onto Mai's lavender eyes in a glance, yet, I could not find the dark eyes of the Shizuru, the ones that I so wanted to see. Shizuru…

Fujino Shizuru.

Shizuru?

Shizuru-hime?

'Shizuru!'

I yelled out and I knew then and there that Mai had her arms around my shoulder and her fingers digging into my skin. My body was senseless and I could only take note that my head was moving.

'You're body is on fire, Natsuki!'

My eyes seem to sting at every object I had my sight on, Shizuru was still no where to be seen and I was feeling more and more nauseous as Mai held me down. I felt as if I was melting, melting like the candle wax. Like a black candle…

'Get a grip on yourself, Natsuki!'

My vision seemed to have blurred and I had a feeling that my pupils had dilated. I could no longer feel anything; the pressure from Mai on my back, the wriggling of my limbs, the burning pain from the ancient language barred on my arms and definitely the strong presence of Shizuru.

Where was she?

Shizuru?

Shizuru!?

'You've remembered too much.'

Mai's voice seemed so clear though everything that was like a heavy haze to me. Her voice was something I could remember so clearly even though how many things she had done to me. She knows more than me; she knows Shizuru better than me, she knows my secrets.

She knows.

'It's time you stopped running from her death, Natsuki.'

I could see Mai's hands wave in front of me like a ghost and I thought I had saw those crimson eyes of Shizuru, staring strangely at me.

Why the strange look?

Has Shizuru long found out about the contract and bond I have with her? It seemed so impossible to find out. She is after all a paper doll, a paper doll that carries the last flickering life of Shizuru-hime. How can she know?

Can she?

Shizuru?

'Rest Natsuki.'

Those words from Mai seemed to put me at ease, and the next thing was that I could only feel a little sensation touch my eyes and my whole world turned black. Black like the pool of blood I was lying in, flowing out from my body like it was normal. Black like the ancient language I had buried myself into. Black like the world I had thrown myself in when Shizuru-hime died so long ago.

Black like the lie I am living in.

Black like death.

Shizuru?

* * *

**A/N**: One more chapter to the third arc; who will be the next to tell the tale?

Then again,

Cheers!


	21. Ningyou 10

**A/N:** To those who have guessed Mai as the next person that will carry on the pace, three cheers! The ending chapter of the second arc is short, but it is worth being short.

* * *

Second Month, XX date.

Mai slept in a room somewhere in the middle of the shrine. She had not told me specifically where her room was, but it was obvious that her room was unlike mine or my father's. After all, she was the next in line to take on the role as priestess of the Ise Shrine. Her aura was magnificent, powerful to the fact that I could feel her when she was a mile away. I had always wanted to ask her, but I daren't press such an issue. Mai never said anything about whom she really was or where she came from.

All I knew was that she was Mai.

Tokiha Mai.

The next priestess of the Grand Shrine of Ise.

Mai told me once, when she was hanging the wet sheets, that she wasn't hand picked by the current priest of the Grand Shrine. She, herself, chosen by the emperor that she was to be the next in line to take charge of the famous shrine that many people respected and went on pilgrimages to. She was only a little girl then, separated from her only sibling after her mother's death.

She was somewhat like me, just that her destiny was already planned out for her.

I watched her from the veranda where I sat upon folding paper; the starting cries of the crickets could be heard in the distance in the bamboo. It wasn't obvious to the eye, but it be could picked out like how my father could easily spot when I mentioned it to him.

Whenever the breeze came by, I would be able to set sight onto it. A clean small shape upon the base of Mai's hairline, below her neck, a symbol or some sort branded onto her skin. It was of the light colour of pink grey ash. It blended into her skin, but at an angle, I was able to see it clearly as if it was painted black like a stroke on paper.

It had the shape of a hollyhock enclosed within a circle.

It didn't need any explanation as it was so easily spelt out for me.

Was Mai from the royal family?

* * *

**A/N**: As always, there will be an intermission chapter to the next arc. To all those that have supported this story thus far, you have my greatest thanks! Your support means a lot to me.

Then again,

Cheers!


	22. Intermission: Hollyhock Amaterasu

**A/N:** The intermission is here, as stated, it is from Mai's POV; a chapter that will link the second arc to the awaited third arc. I hope it will not disappoint everyone. **To all:** I will try my best to update as fast as I can; I thank you for your undying patience.

* * *

I use to see my mother play a game when I was back home, in a huge place; in a place where I only saw nothing but the walls made of thick strong stone. I did not even know where I lived. My mother use to play the game of Go, a game where she'll make one of her servants to play along with her. She'll sit there quietly, her long hair down to the floor and her face serene and calm. Her hands would hold her paper fan, and fan herself slowly as the sun moved across the sky.

I was young then. Very young.

I always saw my mother, I had never seen my father and I never ever once saw him. Now or then.

I do not know his face, but I knew my mother's the best.

She had eyes the colour of lilacs, matching mine in a slightly different tone. Her hair was brown, and I wondered where I had gotten such a vibrant hair colour from. I had never seen my father's, so I did not know whether he had the same colour as I had. I would use to sit quietly beside my mother, something within her arms when she played this slow game of black and white.

Her arms where warm and her breath warmer. I would use to hear her say that I had the ambience of the sun goddess, Amaterasu; how calm and composed I could be even when I was still at such a young age. I was thought to be energetic and playful, but I was neither, I just stayed by my mother in our room and waited for the day, that maybe I will be able to see my father's face.

My mother played the game of Go until one day, she disappeared from our room and did not come back two days later. I was frightened she had left me behind and forgotten about me, and for those two days, I remembered crying and wailing my heart out. I wanted my mother, as much I wanted to see my father; yet somehow, I shed no tears for him.

My mother did not tell me where she went for those two day, but I knew she'll tell me one day.

The game of Go stopped when my mother came back. She never touched the wooden set that would be placed on the veranda; her fingers would never play with the smooth black and white pieces of the game. She never played again. My mother's stomach began to grow and I wondered briefly then whether she was getting fatter by the day. However, I realised that she ate less and she moved less. She stayed in bed for the whole day and in summer; she was not even able to hold me on her lap.

I was worried for my mother, worried that she'll never be able to get up and worried that she'll not be able to play her favourite game again. Her face became white for several of days and one day a big commotion happened in my mother's room and I was not allowed to be in there for that day. I became even more worried but worry turned in surprise when I came back into our rooms and saw that within my mother's arm was a baby, a baby that looked a lot like me and as quiet as me.

I had a brother, his name Takumi.

Takumi for the skilful sea his would be.

I was in joy for someone that I could share my love with, but I was jealous too. Jealous that he was treated so much differently than I was. Then again, he was a boy; a boy that my mother told me simply would lead the world we live in, into a new era of peace. My little brother Takumi was someone I would have to value, but I found that he valued me more than I ever imagined.

He was just a baby then, and I was just his older sister.

I valued his attention for me and my mother and I found out that the three of us made the room we lived in more real than everything around us. However, one day, a message was sent by the emperor that I was made to be the priestess of the Grand Shrine of Ise, in a place so far away from mother and my brother. My mother then had become weak and easily exhausted. My brother was unaware about everything, but what could I ask for more, when he could barely walk on his feet.

My mother died in the night. A spring night. She had yet to see me become a year older and celebrate with my brother and I. She disappeared the next day and I did not see my little brother even then. He had the same brown hair of my mother's and the same lilac eyes. Sometimes, I thought my brother took away my mother's life, but that was wrong.

My brother would never do that.

I was hastily taken out of our room and it was the last I saw of those thick walls and wooden pillars. However, it was certainly the last time I was able to take the whiff of my mother's fragrance, her dying warmth and her wooden set of the game of Go.

'How beautiful your hair is Mai. So much like Great Amaterasu.'

I was brought to the Grand Shrine of Ise and there I was trained under a watchful eye on how to do things. How to cook, how to sweep, how to sow, how to read, how to write, how to chant, how to serve, how to buy, how to talk, how to play… How to play the game of Go.

It was during another summer day I was made to clean the main hall of the shrine and I passed my master's room to find my eyes settled onto something so vaguely similar to what my mother had in our room back in the place I never knew where. It was thick and high, and the top craved with the thin lines that made the square boxed so indefinitely alive and real.

It was a Go table and I was compelled to touch it.

My master caught me, and instead of punishing me for touching his belongings. He introduced it to me, thought me how to play and certainly allowed a part of me to come back. I felt my mother for an instant and I thought I had seen her behind me, holding me and stroking my hair.

Years passed unnoticed and I found myself breathing with an aura so warm that I thought Amaterasu was really beside me, giving part of her light to me. I knew how to talk to the birds, listen to wind and most of all listen to the human heart. Its desire, its need and its connection to the spirits and gods all around. My master had grown old by then but he was happy that I knew all I had to run the Shrine. He was unwilling to teach me at first, but I remember that it changed suddenly over night.

I found that odd, but I silently knew why.

My hair was long by the time the new summer came and I cut it to enjoy the breeze and the coolness that was trapped by my long hair. At that time, news of my brother had come to the Grand Shrine and it was a first of what he had become. I was overjoyed but somehow the jealously towards him began to catch a small fire. A message soon came after my brother's big news and I was to expect a guest at the Ise Shrine.

A guest.

A guest that I expected, no less.

Yet, a guest, that gave me much more.

* * *

I twisted Natsuki's snaking arms down to the ground and I snapped my fingers quickly to lock a spell I have chanted when she was thrashing about. Her body writhed on the ground and I hesitantly got off her prone form. The liquid which flowed from her skin was black and it pooled around her like ink. The skin on her back was flashing and I caught sight onto the ancient language that flickered dangerously.

Natsuki's eyes were closed, but she was still moving. Her breathing was laboured and heavy and I wondered whether the spell I had casted would be strong enough to lock her to the ground until the sun came out. The last I touched her, her skin was burning with fever, now, I was more than afraid that it will burn my fingers if I touched her once more.

The candle light flickered, and the shadow of her casted on her room wall danced in glee that it made me feel uncomfortable. By then, I could hear my own breathing and the rapid thumping of my heart. I looked down at my hands to find blood on them and I clenched my teeth to find how far she had pushed the contract she had created between Shizuru and her.

Shizuru?

I whipped around and I found those dark red eyes looking blankly at me. She stood far in the corner, near the light and her face looked so pale that it was ghastly enough to scare me that a spirit had returned to haunt the shrine. Yet now, wasn't it not true now? It had always been haunted, haunted the time Fujino-hime died.

She died; so long ago.

Her lips were trembling and I pursued my lips at her reaction. I was sure she had not seen her master became so frail and fragile before her. After all Natsuki showed only her strong side to the world, no one except for trusted eyes where to see the innocent little side of her. I averted my eyes to Natsuki's low table and I saw the diary I had seen her write when she lived here years ago.

A diary she had dug deep into.

A diary that she once said to me before parting, a bit of sanity still within her,

'It keeps something and I want her to have it.'

I shut my eyes briefly and I pulled them open as I reached out to take the dairy. My feet are wet by the liquid that pooled around Natsuki and I found that it had the lukewarm temperature of a human and not as cold as ink would be. I stepped back upon taking her diary in my grasp, at the same time, Shizuru behind me gasped tightly, barely audible.

I flipped to the page to where Natsuki had read until and I fingered the words she had written so long ago. Her handwriting still messy as ever and I could hardly read what she had written. My eyes moved to date when I read a certain phrase and my fingers became slack upon realising when she had wrote this entry. I felt drained all of a sudden and my eyes felt heavy with water.

Natsuki's body had stopped moving when I closed her diary and I looked back down at her prone form on the bamboo flooring. Her hair was wet and the black liquid made her hair look even darker than it already was. Her white night yukata was soaked to the bottom and everything around was dulled to black; even her skin to her neck had turned slightly black. Yet, all in all, she looked so much more at rest, at peace.

I clutched her diary tightly and I bent down to examine at her. Her eyes were still underneath her eye lids, her mouth slightly parted and her breathing shallow as the dying. I reached out to push her wet fringe aside and I found myself speaking to the air, to no one in particular,

'Do you know how to play Go?'

'No.'

I was shocked for a while, upon hearing Shizuru's voice sound out behind. It was so alike Fujino-hime and it spooked me. It chilled me to the bone and I took my hand away from Natsuki's face. It was so like before, just that now Shizuru was the one that came to me for help, while before it was Natsuki. Was fate just being unfair to them?

I pulled myself up and I looked down at Natsuki, my face tightening as I spoke airily to the humid atmosphere,

'I'll teach you how.'

* * *

**A/N:** The third arc will be in Mai's POV and what will one expect from this high priestess that seems to know more than what people think? The third arc starts right after this; I hope all will enjoy.

Then again,

Cheers!


	23. Kokeshi 1

**A/N: **This marks the start of the third arc of 'Paper doll.' **Jules:** The game of Go is like 'weiqi' or somewhat like a reversi game that received an extension. The game of Go plays a big part in Mai's life, but what about it will come later. **Note to all:** The POV of Natsuki has now changed to Mai, this is told to avoid confusion. Set right after the intermission, I hope all will enjoy the third arc as they did in the first and second. Until the end,  
_

* * *

Soichiro told me she had skin so fair like pearl power and beauty that could make the goddesses go green with envy._

_I was eager to meet her but didn't get to see her until one morning a tall bulky man stood in front of me and my master. With a heavy voice, he introduced himself and took a step aside bowing. It was then I heard a voice so sweet like a nightingale,_

'_Fujino Shizuru.'

* * *

_

I crossed the courtyard silently and Ein, steward of the royal guards, greeted me quietly and moved aside as I brisk passed. The air of the summer was thick and the cicadas didn't seem like they were going to leave the cedar trees. I stepped up onto the veranda and swiftly tugged the bamboo screen aside, not caring whether I was allowed to go in or not. I am the high priestess of this shrine; I am of the highest power here.

No one forgets that. Except, always, one.

Natsuki's dark eyes met mine in a hard clash and I stood quietly by the open door, ignoring whether she was exposed to the world. She sat, hunched, on a new bed spread, her yukata undone to her waist and her now black skin gleaming in the dark she had resided to. Her hakama was thrown to the side, messed up, crinkled and unfolded; her new room wasn't in any way inviting.

'Tokiha-sama.'

I caught onto Shizuru's voice in an instant and I looked around in the darkness that delved in the corners of the room, and her crimson eyes I had known long looked sadly at me. How can a doll have emotions that have long disappeared? It seems so impossible that she can even be living. Natsuki kept quiet as I pushed myself into the room, her tense aura like the waning crackling autumn was already eating at mine. It wasn't at all pleasant, but at least it showed me that she was living and alive; thinking.

Shizuru shifted slightly to the side of Natsuki and gave me move than enough comfortable space to sit down in front of this dying soul. I could feel her, with the Great Goddess Amaterasu shining behind me; I could feel every inch of Natsuki struggling to stay alive. Why had she done this to herself when she had long known that the end of her would be formidable?

She was only a young girl then, was she?

No.

She was never young to begin with.

Natsuki was never young; she had surpassed her age of innocence long ago.

'Feeling better?'

My throat felt dry after putting that across to Natsuki. Her emerald eyes glanced at me and she breathed out heavily, as if her lungs where failing,

'Cut the shit, Mai. I'm dying.'

I was taken aback by her cutting words, then again, Natsuki had never been welcoming to me ever since finding about the truth behind all those lies. Shizuru beside her tensed and Natsuki seem to catch onto it, and then again so, aren't they tied together? Her black skin flashed and I looked at it eating its way up her body, which was now slowly swallowing her neck. Natsuki grunted softly and in an instant Shizuru had reached over worriedly to look over her. Her words were filled with undying concern and I tensed at the wave of nostalgia.

Shizuru's hands remained hovering over Natsuki's back, as if unsure whether to touch her or not, and by the time Natsuki had regained herself, Shizuru could only pull back and wrap her hands with each other. Her concerned words still continued,

'Kuga-sama…'

I looked at Shizuru and she caught onto mine stead fast. I forced a smile,

'Why do you call Natsuki that?'

'She is my master.'

There was no hesitation in her voice and I shivered for a second. Natsuki had snorted and she allowed herself to fall back onto the bed spread and upon contact, a black liquid gushed out like a severed vessel, staining the pristine colour. I watched silently and Shizuru shifted to bring a cloth to wipe the sweat that had suddenly broken out on Natsuki's face. Her breathing was heavy and ragged and I asked Shizuru again as her hands moved around Natsuki's face,

'How do you know that Natsuki is your master?'

'She is.'

She shot back, quick and harsh. I was unprepared for that and I flinched at her low voice, something which I had never heard before. How could this be? How can a paper doll know such a thing? Natsuki breathed deeply and managed to weakly raise a hand up to stop Shizuru's actions. I couldn't see her eyes in the room's darkness, but I could see a weak reflection in the crimson eyes that look back at her.

'Leave Shizuru.'

'Kuga-sama?'

Natsuki's voice was lifeless; empty and hollow,

'I will call for you later.'

Shizuru was hesitant and her hands shook. Eventually, she pushed herself away from Natsuki and stood up. She passed me a bow and wordless left the room, closing the bamboo screen I had purposely left open for the sun to shine in. The room was now dim and the soft light of the sun filtering slowly through the oiled paper. Natsuki remained on the ground and I was forced to start the conversation as silence took her once Shizuru's had left.

'Why do you do this to yourself?'

'Why did you do this to me?'

Her voice was unnerving and I closed my eyes to control the urge to yell at her.

It wasn't my fault.

'I didn't do anything to you. You brought this upon yourself.'

There was silence for a brief moment,

'Upon myself?' She forced a chuckle, 'Me?'

I kept quiet and she slowly moved herself to sit back up, her movements slow. As she raised her head to bring her eyes to level with mine, I was shocked by the ferocity that glowed in her eyes,

'If you had stopped lying to me long ago, I would never be here, in this position! Dying!'

'I lied for a reason.'

She growled and I pursed my lips together as she leaned forward, I could smell a strong stench, of something…

'For a reason? You lied because of what!?' She gritted her teeth and her deathly aura prickled my skin, 'because you believed in your brother!?'

I stared at her but she continued nonetheless,

'You lied because you thought you could protect her?'

I bit onto my lip and she pressed on, moving closer to me. That certain smell was suffocating.

'You lied because you didn't want to see her suffer?'

'She was already dying, Natsuki!'

I rose to my full height and I stared down on emerald eyes that widened in disbelief. I lied for a reason, a reason. White lies are useless and I had known that so longer ago. Natsuki kept her eyes on me as I breathed down onto her form; my hands were clenched on either side of me and I controlled myself not to snap at her. It wasn't my fault all of this was happening.

It isn't my fault!

'You lie.'

Her words pierced my body like knife in the gut and I hitched in a sharp breath. Her eyes were hardened on mine and I tightened my jaw. She held my stare and she repeated, sparking my anger to rise to another level,

'You lie.'

'I am not lying!'

Natsuki spat at me,

'You liar!' she pushed forward, not a bit frightened of me, 'It is your entire fault!'

I slapped her hard, not caring about how painful it was for her. Natsuki doubled over and I locked my eyes on her form shaking in pain. It wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault. I realised that I was breathing rapidly and my heart beating twice as fast than it should. It isn't my fault! My hand was stinging from impact and I hissed,

'Look at me, Natsuki. Look at me and let me tell you something.'

She kept her face down, her dark hair shielding her, her back heaving from the laboured breathing. She refused to look at me after giving her a sufficient amount of time to regain composure, and I felt outwitted,

'Look at me Natsuki!'

I went onto my knees and cupped her chin, jerking her face up to look at me. The stench overwhelmed me once again. She glared at me and bared her teeth, growling. I tightened my hold and breathed out lowly,

'Let me tell-'

'Another lie!?'

She snarled and I inflicted a burn on her chin, making her grunt and jerk in my hold. I had enough of this. It wasn't my fault! It never was! I snapped my fingers and it brought the bamboo screens of the room open, the sun's radiance shining upon me. I brought her face close to mine and I clicked my tongue,

'Let me tell you the most important thing, Kuga Natsuki.' I could feel the tips of my fingers burning the surface of her skin and I could see the fear growing in her defiant eyes,

'The one thing you always forget,' I bore my eyes onto her weakening emerald, the stench now becoming familiar to my nose,

'I knew Fujino Shizuru longer than anyone.'

She grew slack in my hold and I tightened my grip,

'And that includes you.'

It wasn't my fault.

It was never my fault.

* * *

_My master pushed me forward towards her and I could smell the strong fragrance of white plums. A smell that I found hard to rid off. Her eyes were of the colour of the summer sun at dusk and her complexion fair. Her hair the colour of an unusual hue, much like mine, just in a shade much mellow and soft. She didn't smile as I introduced myself, bowed and pulled back up._

_She didn't looked like she was going to smile; ever._

_She stood there, stone, like a statue and I suddenly felt lost._

_As if Amaterasu had betrayed me.

* * *

_**A/N:** Rewinding the clock, what does Mai have to lie? To save someone, or herself?

The third arc chapter titles is 'Kokeshi' which literally means in kanji ' to extinguish the child'. In fact, Kokeshi are Japanese wooden dolls.


	24. Kokeshi 2

**A/N:** Refer to chapter 21 again if you want to before reading this chapter. **Note to all:** Being in Mai's POV does mean a little less of Natsuki and Shizuru, then again, it is needed. Not everything is known to them. This chapter may seem a little off tangent, but I assure you, it's still on track. Until the end,

* * *

'_The air is cool outside.'_

_Yes it was._

_The air was cool enough to go down to the stream near the stables and fool around with Soichiro under the sun. I had asked her briefly whether she wanted to go down to the stables, and her dull eyes merely looked at me,_

'_Another time, Tokiha-sama._'

* * *

I looked at my face, my reflection clear on the water of small stream that was still alive near the stables, horses now tended by a young boy, Shinnosuke. I could feel his presence behind me, his young innocent black eyes looking at my back. The horses were whining and I pulled my head back slightly, he jumped and gave an apology, hastily, unlike Soichiro,

'Tokiha-sama.' He paused nervously, 'Ein-sama is calling for you.'

I looked sidelong at him and back to the water; how much my face has changed since I last been here. My hair was now long to my shoulders, and my eyes tired and heavy, my cheeks sunken and my face lean. At the simple sight of it, my body immediately felt tired; I felt tired. Exhausted and spent. For so long. The twigs and dried leaves over the piling of autumns crackled and I could tell Shinnosuke was getting jittery behind me.

'Tokiha-sama…'

'Patience.'

I stood up swiftly, muttering under my breath. Tugging my chihaya sleeves to my sides and shifting my red hakama along with my legs, I passed Shinnosuke a brief smile before rubbing his cheek with the back of my hand,

'Don't worry.'

He hastily bowed and followed behind me as I headed back up the slight slope to the stables. The shrine horses were nervous, their whines and neighs irregular and uncertain. As I approached the wooden stalls, the lone crest of the hollyhock could be seen, the single flower flowing freely with the linen of the imperial banner. Ein's figure was prominent; his lean stature was tall on his steed. Though how different he was in size, he seemed to overwhelm the other two horsemen that sat on horseback beside him.

Like always.

Shinnosuke left my side immediately as I stood a decent distance away from them; he went into the stables and I could hear his best in trying to calm the horses. Ein's cough was rough and my attention shifted to his silver sleek eyes that caught mine steadily. He was straight to the point and I tried my best not to get annoyed; after all it has been a long day.

A very long day.

'The emperor cannot wait, Tokiha-sama.'

I gestured him to come down from his horse, but it seemed he didn't want to.

'You either call for another paper doll maker or get her to recover faster, Tokiha-sama.'

I tried once more. Then again, Ein remained persistent on his saddle.

'It is an order from the ministers.'

I looked into his silver eyes again and I could feel the light breeze on my taut face. He remained impassive and I raised my fingers to snap them soundly, making the horses buckle to the ground. The cry from the animal was heart breaking but on these grounds, no one stands higher than me, unless one was the Great Amaterasu herself. Ein's men fell to the ground with the echo of the resounding metal against the hard dirt ground; Ein simply stumbled and regained his balance on the ground after putting his hand to the hilt of his sword.

I raised my eye brows at his stance.

'Are you going against the regent's orders, Tokiha-sama?'

He questioned me once more as I kept quiet. For a moment, I had considered answering his question. Then again… I snapped my fingers once more, making his men drop their hands to hard ground; their cries tore the tense atmosphere. Ein, on the other hand, was in vain to come at me, however staggering on his knees, he couldn't go far. He was breathless when he reached me and I looked down at him, the sun's radiance behind me,

'Bring my brother here.'

'The emperor cannot wait.'

He choked, his hands trembling at his side while his fingers started to swell at the tiny movement that he did. I ran my hand over his face and through his hair, his silver eyes hardened and I gripped hard onto his topknot when he spat at me. I felt the anger that had long dwelled within me start to rise and I breathed through clenched teeth.

This anger was starting to get unbearable…

Holding back after so long…

So long.

'I don't care. Bring my brother here.'

His silver eyes were like those of Natsuki a few days back, her green ones rebellious and unafraid and I felt as outwitted as I was previously. I tightened my grip on his hair and drew him closer, the air around us was turning hot and I could hear the loose noise that was coming from the stable. I took in one last deep breath and shot Ein down,

'Bring my brother here.'

'The emperor-'

'Bring my brother here!'

I trembled at my own voice, broken like shattered glass. My hands hauled up him up and I shook him by his collar, his face going pale and soon white as a sheet. I could feel my fingernails digging into the thin linen of his undershirt, all through the thick layers of his travelling clothing.

'Bring my brother here, bring him here!'

'The-'

'Bring my brother here!'

It has been so long.

It has been too long.

'Bring him here…'

I watched his silver eyes bleed as I finished,

'To the Grand Shrine of Ise.'

* * *

'_The emperor?'_

_She refused to look at me while I reached out to stack her finished bowls of food. I repeated myself again,_

'_You're getting married to the emperor?'_

_Her face was kept away from me and I reached to touch the back of my neck. I could barely feel it…but I knew it was there._

_Who am I…really?

* * *

_**A/N:** Delving deeper; Mai finds everything repeating once more.

Then again, for your undying patience,

Cheers!


	25. Kokeshi 3

**A/N:** I've been busy, extremely busy, so pardon me for the very very late update. My apologies to all that have been waiting.  
_

* * *

The smell of gunpowder was strong._

_It was stronger this time when I neared her room._

_I stood outside, clamly, trays of stacked food within my grasp; wondering why I was treated differently from all other people that had once lived within the the embrace of Amaterasu._

_Tokiha Mai…who are you?

* * *

_

I heard Natsuki's voice from outside, the sun was not yet up above the horizon and the rest of the shrine was fast asleep. The crickets were somehow silent and the bamboo forest that grew around was deathly still. The rustling of leaves were unheard of and I felt betrayed, nonetheless, by Amaterasu; where was her guiding radiance when I needed it so. Aren't I the preistess of the Grand Shrine of Ise? Do I not keep her house of worship clean and brimming with respect and glory?

Haven't I…not?

I hadn't knocked on her door but she knew I was standing outside her quarters, outside her prison. I was her captor from the truth…was I? No I was not, I did not do anything, it wasn't my fault that everything that has happened until now is bleak, unsettling and stained. It was never my fault to begin with.

It was never my fault.

The bamboo screen infront of me cracked open silghtly and Shizuru's dark eyes, so long known, looked into mine. The screen was pulled back further and she stepped aside silently, letting the suffocating hot air from within Natsuki's room to engulf me whole, her cracking, dying autumn eating at my presence. It seemed to suck at my aura, draining my sanity along with my role in this disturbing triangle. I cannot lose myself; I have come this far…

I stepped in, quietly, and darkness crept up my legs as I pushed myself further into her room. The air inside was still and my eyes shifted uneasily at the mess that surrounded me. Amaterasu had once hid herself from the world, letting darkness roam the earth. Now it seemed that I myself had ventured into the cave she hid herself in… Natsuki's once beige plastered coloured walls were now the colour of charcoal, like of her dark hair hapharzardly thrown across her face. Strecthed across her walls were her brush storkes, scratching it's once innocent surface with premonitions of her vile future, past and present.

It was never my fault.

Shizuru's presence was nothing like a doll should be, it seem to reciprocate Natsuki's well being…yet, isn't it natural for her to do so for aren't they tied together? However this biting presence behind me…it shouldn't be as strong as she once use to be. I kept my eyes fixed on the flooring, trying in vain to get use to the lurching shadows that loomed around, before I swept my gaze up uncomfortably to look at Natsuki.

Her skin was as black as ever, same like the last I had seen her in her room. This time round her neck was completely swallowed and the black stain gnawing at her face. Her emerald eyes still gleamed in the darkness, haunting like ghost and listless like the dead. She sat tiredly on her black stained futon and her hands weakly adjusting her lapels of her soiled yukata. Her hair was in a mess and I scrunched my nose at the stench that wrapped around her.

I know that stench

I know it so very well.

Shizuru kept the door open, but I realised that the sun had not raised her head above her brother. I grimaced inwardly and steadily lowered myself down beside Natsuki's bed matting. I was not afraid of her lashing temper for I had gotten her to kept silence at my presence; I do not simply lie without reason. However now, I needed Natsuki to speak, I needed her retorts, I needed to hear her say,

'What do you want Mai?'

I kept my face still and noticed sidelong that Shizuru had pulled herself down to sit slightly behind me. Graceful as she had ever been, she listened quietly and silently. Deathly silently as she once was…or was she?

It was never my fault.

'I want nothing.'

I was surprised at the smoothness of my execution; doubting myself that I was able to keep this throughout the conversation that was going to start. My eyes shifted slightly to follow Natsuki's movement and I watched her move to rest her head on her hand. She peered at me through her fringe, her glowering emerald eyes laughing at me,

'Nothing? You always have something to tell me when you come to me, Mai.' She paused and clicked her tongue, 'Cut the shit.'

I bit my lip, and I snapped my fingers soundly.

She gritted and out from her mouth, black liquid rushed out. Her teeth were gnashed together tightly and pushing against it, the thick black substance leaked out from her mouth. Shizuru from behind me immediately rushed to her side and held her heaving frame in her arms. Those crimson eyes met mine for a brief second before focusing soley on Natsuki and inside her, I could see nothing but the lingering soul of someone I once knew. But…

She is long dead.

Long dead, Natsuki.

Ink, was it not? That was running down like glass cracks down her chin? I pursed my lips, watched her cough out another bout and listened to the smooth hand that ran up and down her black back. The air was still still and I closed my eyes before opening them to the sound her a cracked voice, gurgling with ink,

'What did you do to me?!'

Shizuru's eyes too came against mine and I was taken aback, slightly, by the vivid red that suddenly glowed within her dark eyes. Isn't she already dead? I tilted my head to the side to meet emerald eyes that glazed over with disgust and I simply snapped my fingers once again. Natsuki doubled over and from her mouth once again, a steady flow of black ink streamed out.

'I am not doing anything.'

Her hand at her mouth turned into a shade darker at the liquid that gushed out and her emerald eyes were sealed shut before weakly opening again to try their best to glare at me. Shizuru was pulled into panic at the second turn; worry and concern were evidently scrawled across her face. Her lips were pursed together and I pressed my hands to the ground,

'The emperor is on his way here.'

As I pushed myself up from the floor, Natsuki's face paled and it grew ghastly in the darkness.

I paused, and continued,

'Ein has already left to accompany the convoy here.'

Her emerald eyes turned empty and her hand at her mouth dropped. I stood high above her form,

'I hope you are still able to carry out your duties as the paper doll maker.' I stopped once again to look down at her form that had started to tremble at my words, why was she not speaking?

'I did not call you here for a recollection. I called you here to perform your duties like your father had once done.'

'I am not my father.'

Impressive, that she was able to snap back in such a state, but I was waiting for her to speak. That was all I needed her to do, to confirm that she was still struggling to stay alive. I brought my hands together to rest infront of my body and I cut into her eyes,

'You have assumed his role; I did not say that you were Kuga-sama.'

She narrowed her eyes on me and I felt something creeping up from behind me, I continued despite anything,

'I pray that you recover as soon as possible.'

My eyes watched her body tense and I gestured to her politely,

'Then maybe, once you have recovered, we can play Go.' I averted my eyes to Shizuru who looked overwhelmed by my presence, 'Like we use to.'

Natsuki stilled and I turned around, waving the bamboo screens further open, the sun had still yet to rise. Have I been betrayed? I stepped out onto the veranda and Natsuki's strained and deep voice stopped me from turning off down the corridor,

'Maybe Mai…'

I peered back over my shoulder and found Natsuki struggling to get up from her futon, her hands keeping Shizuru's worried hands away from her frail body,

'Maybe…'

She struggled to stand,

'Maybe…'

I turned back, and waited,

'Maybe what, Natsuki?'

Her emerald eyes burned with radiance and I stepped back slightly at the glow that was could mirror mine; she breathed,

'Maybe when you realise…'

I kept silent for a while at her incomplete sentence and I turned back to turn to walk down the corridor when I realised she would go no further. I stopped midway on my way back to the main hall and looked at the red gate that stood tall infront of the courtyard. The sun had risen a long time ago, shining behind the dark grey clouds. I chewed onto my lip and hugged myself tightly.

It was never my fault.

Never.

* * *

_Her lips were swollen and kept quiet when I asked out of curiosity._

_She stayed up all night hugging herself and looked away from I approached her the next morning._

'_I wish you could take my life away.'_

_Could I?

* * *

_**A/N:** As a point of the infinite triangle, will Mai stray from her path?

I simply love Mai among all, as I have come to realise... Seemingly because she dances in the colour I adore. Thank you for your support and udying patience.

Then again, until when(?),

Cheers!


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